Falling Down (Ch. 41) - Randy Halprin
Randy Halprin
"We tend to see a person in the moment, not as the journey they travelled to get here." Kat Lehmann
Memoirs
**Warning...contains offensive language, and reference to drug use**
FALLING DOWN : PART TWO (1996)
Chapter 41
(by Randy E. Halprin)
A Memoir
Todd had to drive back to Arlington to pick up Charity. I asked him if I could get a hold of my brother, Wesley, and arrange to see him...It would be mind blowing to see him! He said it wouldn't be a problem and so I called my brother up at home hoping that he would be the one to pick up the phone – fortunately, he did.
“Where are you?” Wesley asked.
“I've moved to Fort Worth. I made some friends at the shelter and they invited me to move in with them.”
“That's cool.” He said.
“Yeah, it is. Anyway, we're going to Arlington to do something and I was wondering if you wanted to meet up. Can you get out of the house?”
“Sure. I'll tell dad I'm going on a walk. Where do you want to meet?”
“How about McDonalds next to the bank?” I suggested.
“Okay, I'll be there around noon. See you there!” Wesley said, and hung up the phone.
I hadn't seen Wesley since I came back to Texas and was eager to see him. I really missed him. Todd and I hopped into his car and headed to Arlington.
He dropped me off on South Cooper Street, and drove off to go pick up Charity and Jarrod from the shelter. I decided to walk around the shopping centers until noon – again, memories of my childhood and early teens came flooding back in waves. I needed some batteries for the portable CD player I had just bought, and decided to pick some up at a drug store. I walked to the battery aisle and grabbed some Duracells before heading back towards the check out counter and stood in line behind an elderly woman whilst she wrote out a cheque. The check out girl waited on her patiently, and we eventually made eye contact and she smiled. She looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't figure out where I had seen her. Her hair was different...fiery red, cut in a pixie style, and she had numerous piercings in her ears, nose and eyebrow. I remember thinking, “Damn, that's hot!” I couldn't take my eyes off her! She kept looking at me and I could see from the expression on her face that she was trying to figure me out – like she'd seen me before as well.
The elderly woman finished at the counter, and walked away, so I stepped forward...
“Hi,” she said. “This is all you're getting?”
“Yeah...” I said, shyly. Damn my nerves!
She rang it up and as she did I looked at her name tag, “Hillary.” Hillary...Hillary, Hillary? I know this name! Where do I know this name from? I kept thinking to myself.
“$3.05,” she said.
I reached into my pocket and gave her a five dollar bill. She opened the register and gave me my change...
“Thanks,” I said.
“Have a good day!” She smiled.
“You too!” I said, walking away.
As I reached the exit door, it all came back to me, “Hillary! THE Hillary!” In the fifth grade of elementary school, all of the schools in Arlington got together for an event at the University of Texas, Arlington. We were invited to see a play of some sort at the end of the school year. I sat there with a friend from class and a girl tapped on my shoulder from behind...I turned around and she said, “My friend, Hillary, wants to give you her phone number.”
“Where is she?” I asked. Surprised that a girl would want to give me her phone number. “She's right here next to me, the girl said. A brown haired girl smiled shyly and waved her hand...I waved back. “Okay!” I said, maybe a little too excitedly.
The girl pulled out a pen and told me to give her my hand, and she scribbled a phone number on it. I pulled my hand back and looked at it in disbelief. Wow...a girl gave me her phone number! I stared at it the entire play. When we returned back to school after the play, one of the popular girls – a pretty blonde named Tonya – mocked me.
“Who would want to give you their number? You're a geek! It's probably fake.”
It might've been, I thought, but I was sure enough going to try. Turns out it was absolutely real, and whilst nothing ever happened between us, we often ran into one another at school dances, the mall, and the movies, over the next few years. Now, it was happening again! Every bit of me was saying turn around idiot, and tell her who you are – Randy! See how she reacts! This could be the start of something! Turn around idiot! Another sliding doors moment...Instead, my nerves got the better of me and I kept walking towards the parking lot. The moment had passed.
I met up with Wesley at noon, at the McDonalds across the street. I bought him lunch, and we talked about how he was doing. I noticed his ear was pierced and said, “Dad actually lets you have that? I was forbidden!”
Todd showed up with Charity and Jarrod, and I hugged Wesley goodbye. It would be the last time I physically hugged my brother again, in my lifetime. On the drive back to Fort Worth, Charity asked me how my arrangement worked with Todd and Ramie if I didn't have a job. “I babysit.” I said.
“Good! You can watch my kid whilst I go out too.” She said.
I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to be a jerk and refuse to do it. I kept silent when Jarrod started to cry, his face was covered in chicken pox, and my heart went out to him. I knew he had to have been miserable, and now his life was being uprooted again whilst he suffered through this. I turned back toward him and tried to make goofy faces at him to make him laugh. He stopped crying, and started to giggle back at me.
We arrived back at the apartment and climbed out of the car. Charity handed Jarrod to me, and I kept making silly faces at him and making him laugh as we entered the apartment. Kyle and Nikki ran to me when we entered and I put Jarrod down on the floor, grabbed Kyle, and swung him around. He was laughing uncontrollably.
Over the next week I would watch Kyle, Nikki and Jarrod, when Todd, Ramie, and Charity would go out during the day time. By the evening I would be exhausted and want time to myself. I started drinking heavily, even though I didn't really like the taste of alcohol, but I'd developed a serious liking to this Arizona non-alcoholic Piña Colada drink. Todd had a huge bottle of Bacardi rum, and I'd drink about a third of the Arizona drink, then pour the rum into the bottle to fill it back up, shake it, and sip on that. Also, about three times a week, I'd trip on acid.
Charity began taking advantage of me more and more, and push her son off on me. She'd disappear with Todd and I could tell it was beginning to bother Ramie, and we both had suspicions that they were messing around. I didn't know what to do...I didn't know how to say enough was enough. Jarrod's chicken pox were healing, but he had developed a serious ear infection, and also a bunch of cold sores, and I knew the child was miserable. It was time for Charity to head back to the shelter, but somehow she'd convinced Todd into letting her stay. Ramie wasn't happy at all, but I think Ramie and I were in the same position – we didn't have anywhere else to go.
One night I drank way too much...I was tired and stressed, and I was having no luck in finding a job, but admittedly, I was doing a half-ass job of searching for one. I stumbled to the living room where Charity was watching TV, and threw myself onto the couch, propping my feet up in her lap. At some point, I blacked out, and when I came around, Charity was on top of me – naked – and riding me. I was inside of her and panicked, so I asked her to stop, and pushed her off me. She kept trying to pull me back to her, but I managed to get away from her and went straight to the bathroom to wash off my penis. I couldn't think straight...but somehow stumbled back to the living room, and passed out on the floor.
The next morning I woke up and felt like garbage, thinking it had all been a dream. I dragged myself to the bathroom to wash my face, and when I looked into the mirror, I saw a huge hickey on my neck, and a bite mark on my chest. “Ohhhhh, man...” I said to myself. I went to Todd and Ramie's bedroom. Ramie was still asleep, but Todd was up watching TV in bed. I sat on a wooden chest and put my head in my hands. “I think Charity and I had sex last night,” I said.
“Oh, you definitely did, buddy!” Todd said, excitedly. “When I got up to grab a drink, she was riding you like a bucking bronco, so I backed up and headed back to bed.”
“Shit!” I said, suddenly filled with anger. I wasn't happy. I was mad at myself and felt she'd taken advantage of me...I couldn't believe it had happened! I wasn't attracted to her in any kind of way, and didn't like her attitude at all. I didn't like the way she treated her son either...I just plain didn't like her. How could I have slept with her? I didn't understand it, and was really angry at the situation. I took a shower and got dressed, and when I went back to the living room, Charity was up and said, “We should talk.”
“There's nothing to talk about, cow!” I said. I was shocked the word came out of my mouth! I'd never talked to a girl that way in my life. For the next few days I talked to her like she was garbage. My anger was consuming me and I couldn't help it – things were building up...I didn't know what to do or where to get help...I felt so angry about everything.
But The Cure concert was quickly approaching, and maybe seeing something I loved so much would help to calm me down.