April 2017 - Randy Halprin

Randy Halprin
 "We tend to see a person in the moment, not as the journey they travelled to get here."  Kat Lehmann

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April 24th, 2017

Today is one of those weird days. I'm not really depressed, but I'm not exactly bouncing off the walls with energy and excitement. I feel like I'm sort of existing and that is it. I hate when I feel this way..It's like something in my life is missing and I'm not exactly sure what it is, and believe me, it isn't Jesus before someone mumbles it to their computer screen! That joke never gets old!...No, it isn't that. I just feel...so distant from everything. Like I'm operating in another galaxy. Superficially I have my needs taken care of, I suppose; it isn't for a lack of anything materially. It isn't even being stuck in a cell 22 hours out of the day, though it could be a miniscule part of it...I just need something...here.

I'm also feeling trapped in a sense and I have NO clue where that feeling is coming from or what it even means. In a way I feel like an automaton and I'm just operating on some pre programmed route in my life, going through the motions. Today I feel like I'm pretending. Yeah, that is the feeling. I'm pretending to be "alive". It comes and goes and I'm not sure what could make it just go away, but at least I can acknowledge it.


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