I don't know, why, but I feel so drained today… I don't feel depressed, just tired. Worn out. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better.
June 29th, 2007
I had a feeling I was going to have an attorney visit this morning, so I hurried up and shaved just incase. When I finished shaving commissary came. I didn't get anything, but my neighbor was kind enough to get an ice cream for me. As I'm enjoying that, two guards showed up and said I had a legal visit. I would have to enjoy the melted remains at a later time. Anyways, my lawyer didn't have anything to report; everything is sitting and waiting, and while we wait for a definite answer on my appeals, they are just building up evidence and support in my favor. In fact, another one of my co-defendants had just signed another affidavit in my favor saying I wasn't a shooter. This means a lot to me, as none of my co-defendants really likes me, so...I don't think anyone can say, "Oh, they just want to see someone get off..." Trust me, if a couple of them could kill me personally, they probably would.
Anyways, with them was an intern, and we talked for a bit...just general things like what I'm into etc. It was nice to get out of the cell for a bit. I'm slacking on reading this week. I've been wanting to start this book called "The Grays", but the cover looks creepy. It has this huge bug eyed alien head... aliens freak me out. I'll start it later, I'm sure. It's been raining off and on for forever and it's getting cold. Nobody wants to play any ball and I really need to get my cardio going. I've been doing good on my normal conditioning, but I need to run.
Peace and Love.
June 28th, 2007
Last night I was moved to E-pod. It seems - no, it is a fact - that I'm here every other week. I mean, I think it kind of defeats the purpose that if I and others who are 'escape risks', they keep moving me to the same pod and almost in the exact cell location...I admit, I don't like it down here, but I'll make the best of it. Why not? Besides, I can get art work, home made cards; all sorts of arts and crafts dirt cheap down here. Might as well take advantage. A small price to pay for lack of sleep. Haha.
Peace and Love.
June 4th, 2007
I swear, I've got some bad luck! I just came in from recreation and I'm getting over the effects of being gassed. I've got a killer headache right now!
I went to recreation at 6:30am, and things were going fine until the guy in the next day room to mine decides to talk trash to the guards. The guards call a ranking officer to the pod to chill him out, he continues to make threats and is cussing the Sergeant out. They call the riot team, gas him and drag him out of the day room. Well, I'm stuck like chuck. I'm just as exposed to the gas as he is, because the dayrooms are open spaces. I begin to cough, gag, sneeze, my nose was running like a busted faucet...Why does that always seem to happen when I'm around? Everywhere I go something happens where gas is used and I'm always right in the mix.
Well, last night in my closing entries I was talking about how I was starting to really get into the Beatles, and oddly enough, in commemoration of the Fortieth Anniversary of the album “Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band” they played the album in it's entirety. I listened to it and was completely blown away. I've heard several of the songs over the years, but to hear it all uncut, the way it was supposed to be heard...Wow. The song that really blew my mind was “Within You Without You” awesome in sound and lyrics. I really couldn't believe how good the album was. Actually, last night was an unbelievably good night for music. I heard a lot of songs I hadn‟t heard in a while. Nights like that make me miss having a CD player.
I don't have much planned for the rest of the day. I need to do some reading. Maybe a little writing. It's hot right now though, but I'm glad the sun is out. Too bad I can't get outside and some sunshine. Tomorrow is the outside day for this section. Maybe I'll get lucky.
Peace and Love.
June 3rd, 2007
Another day comes to a close...It's been oddly quiet today, so I can gather it will be chaos tonight on this pod (I'm on ad-seg and it's been nuts!).
Right now Pink Floyd's “Wish You Were Here” is playing. I don‟t know, but the last month or so I've been really getting into some classic rock. I'm not into the Southern rock sound, but a lot of the British classics are great. I'm really, really starting to like everything The Beatles did. Mom was a huge fan - I can see why.
Anyways, it's been a slow dull week and I'm just checking in.
Peace and Love!
June 2nd, 2007
Saturday. Usually these are the most boring days on earth, but somehow I've been able to keep motivated. I got up this morning and went to recreation and exercised. I normally don't exercise on Saturdays, but I wanted to and it felt good. I've spent most of the rest of the day catching up on letters.
The sun is beginning to set outside and it looks quite gorgeous. One thing I really miss on weekends and especially in the summer are those wonderful sunsets where you are out in the front or back yard with family or a friend and that feeling of the cooling air kissing your cheeks, colors playing across the sky..I remember being in our swimming pool not long after dad would serve dinner. The sun going down..A lot of times I'd pass up going outside to swim to stay in and watch T.V. I think my parents took it as me being anti social, but the truth is, we weren't allowed to watch horror movies or shows in our house, and Tales From The Crypt would come on every Saturday night at 7:00pm, so, all the times I'd pass up going swimming, I'd be sneaking around to watch that show. I was just being a typical teenager, trying to be sly. I look back now, though and really regret not spending that time with my family. I think if teenagers really understood how fleeting that time being with mom and dad is, maybe they would spend more time with them. I really miss mom and dad right now, as the sun's sinking shadow plays across the walls of my cell.
If only youth and summer could last forever.
Peace and Love.
June 1st, 2007
You're probably wondering what happened to most of the month of May...Well, I decided to take a month off from every type of writing possible except writing to my friends and such. It's easy to get burned out when all your day consists of writing and reading...But I'm back for whatever it's worth, and I'll try to find something useful to write about until I get burned out again. Haha.
I went on a month long losing streak at playing basketball, then in the last weeks I went on a great winning streak finally finding my groove and effectively kicked butt. I have been fortunate enough to get out in the sun and finally bring some color to my pastey white skin...Then, the great ending to the month came two weeks ago, from my attorney who brought some very great news..It really looks like I might get a retrial. It all comes down to the Court Of Criminal Appeals, but we think the odds are in my favor. I'm excited and scared at the possibilities the future holds. Although, once again I have to deal with the emotional aspects of what a new trial or even new sentencing phase would bring. First, and most importantly old wounds of the victim's family will be torn open and I hate that they have to suffer anymore. It bothers me a lot. I wish for some sense of finality of things for them, just as much as anyone else would, but I'm not a killer, so...I just wish none of this mess would've ever happened. If only I had a time machine…Of course, I'll have to deal with the personal attacks on my character, but I can put up with it. Who knows what the future holds. Ultimately my fate is in the hands of G-d...
Today is Friday and it's been slow. I've mostly been reading a book called Target, a thriller, and listening to the radio. I figured I would start my journal back up and get back in the habit of things...