Love - Randy Halprin

Randy Halprin
"You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending" C.S. Lewis
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(by Randy E. Halprin)

It' such an awkward thing.
But we long,
and hope;
we need
and bleed,
aching hearts for such a dream.
No longer safe to hold,
it's a shame we'll have to let go –
and let it fly away like dragon flies.
To drift off into the wind.
Never to be seen again.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Do we love for seconds?
Live in the now?
Or wait to see what the future brings?
Some way some how
A billion stars to count
A million fishes in the sea
What then, will your heart give to me?
Love is a game of chance
It can come at only a glance
It can come at first light
Yeah, it can come at first sight.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

A moon hangs low,
nearly touching the water.
I think about her.
I watch
I wish
I dream…
There are times when I wish you were here.
Sitting by my side,
holding my hand.
Using my shoulder for a cry.
There are times when I wish you had never gone away.
I get tired of reliving the pain,
of watching you walk away.
The sun reflects like silver and gold,
and I stare out at nothing,
chasing away the ghosts…
And when I see foot prints in the sand,
I think of yours.
And when I hear the tide come crashing in,
I think of unopened doors.
And when the night fades away,
I miss your moans,
your whispering softly,
asking me for more.
It was our world,
it was a never ending universe.
It was one,
but now it's all gone…
The day light breaks and I walk into the water,
my heart is broken,
carrying stones in my pockets.
There are times when I wish you were here and I wish…
I wish you weren't so out of reach.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

It's not hard for me to let it go.
It's not hard for me to put on a show.
And I just wanted you -
wanted you to know:
inspite of my words,
I'll keep you in my heart wherever I go.
There are times when it's easier for me to cry.
There are days when I just can't say goodbye.
But I wanted you -
wanted you to know:
You'll always be with me wherever I decide to go.
(And the sunlight breaks into my head,
Exposing how naked I truly am.
Exposing me to be a boy and not a man.)
I'm weak when I get like this.
So weak that it makes me sick.
A prism of colors bleeding before my eyes.
Becoming the lie that is my life.
I realise...
It's real.
I could die.
I'm exposed -
like black and white.
By the negative that's become my life.
So I just wanted you -
wanted you to know:
I'll take you with me wherever I go.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

There was
Me and you
A perfect circle
A shining sun
On a beautiful day
A blue so bright
It made us
And we sang the song that is our heart
So perfect
So pretty
Are you
I looked into your eyes
Like almonds,
big and brown
Shining like a perfect sun
On a beautiful day
It makes me cry -
and it makes my heart sing
You were my soul
Where are you?
Where are you?
I want you
I need you
I sleep you
I dream you
Why do I feel so alone?
I will find you
I swear that I will.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Sitting in a room
Lost in the vacuum
Thinking of the reasons,
so many seasons have passed.
It's like I was made out of glass.
And I think of her…
Standing at the edge of the world holding her hands.
Lost in the void that was her eyes.
I've seen too much
I've loved too much
I've cried too much
That it leaves me out of touch
With who I am inside.
She caressed my face,
but it was numb.
She kissed my lips,
but I couldn't feel her tongue.
And she looked at me,
when it was no longer fun.
The flowers were dead,
and so was the love.
And for a while you had your way.
Even when I could see your smile
It was much too fake,
as in love I was -
I was too blind to see
There was really no such thing as destiny.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Don't go - don't leave me here,
don't leave me here without.
I feel you slipping back again,
I feel you giving out.
The sharpened swords -
the broken words,
that make me scream and shout.
I knew it all was over,
before we crashed the clouds.
(When daydreams don't work
And prayers don't heal,
the nightmare forks
The love I feel.)
I thought you had it all.
I thought you were the world.
Even when the insults stung,
you were my precious girl.
The knife sharp words.
The world turned over.
They cut me to the bone.
I knew it all was over -
before I went back home.
(When daydreams don't bring happiness
And smiles just don't heal,
the nightmares feed my loneliness.
But never,
no never,
never stop this love I still feel.)

(by Randy E. Halprin)

The chances and changes -
still everything remains the same.
Broken promises,
your love in vain.
I cursed the reasons,
but played the game.
Born to rearrange.
But -
forgot to check myself back in again.
Running away has gotten old.
Knowing youth has grown stale.
The times I've loved,
have only brought hell.
(But I played the game -
took the chances
I played the game,
had short lived romances.
Yeah, I played the game,
lost again
And again and again and again...)
Yeah, it's the end game again.
Game over I guess.
It's all the same.
It's all the fucking same.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Do you let it all end?
Do you walk away?
From every loving thing we did
From every promise that we made
Can you remember the first time you looked into my eyes?
"You have eyes to die for," you said.
And I can remember the first time,
the first words,
the last goodbye.
But now all you can say is, "It is what it is."
Even when I always beg, don't let it end.
I guess I can't really pretend
Or hold back what I'm really feeling inside.
I don't see the same girl anymore,
I can't feel the same anymore.
Do you really want to say goodbye?
Do I pretend not to cry?
Look back at everything we did.
Oh well. She said -
"It is what it is".

(by Randy E. Halprin)

I stumbled
I fell
I fumbled
I held
Your love
In my hands
I loved you early in the mornings
Even when you yelled
I crumbled
Just to kiss you
Just to see you smile
You said with a sigh
But it's not even evening
I cried
The days not even falling
The nights not even calling
Our names
Only playing games
I held
I stumbled
This time I yelled
Even when the moon hasn't risen.

(Pone is a type of cake.. Just a little FYI :))
(by Randy E. Halprin)

I'd given up.
Spilled over my cup;
time and time again.
Never thought
I’d find it again.
I wanted to have my cake (and eat it too)
Never thought I’d fall into you.
This seemed just to good to be true.
But there’s not much to do,
but take a bite now.
Deserve it or not,
I have fought;
(even when my mind never understood why)
In spite of my distraught.
Damn this tastes good tonight.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Black ice falling from a white sky.
A winter chill in a summers night.
You are here, I hold you tight.
A warm embrace, before I die.
I kiss your lips, we start to cry.
As you brush the tears away from my eyes.
(I am gone soul drifting away,
I am gone there's no more pain.
No more suffering,
It's all been washed away – or one can wish anyways…)
A scream breaks a blood red sky,
my heart busts open,
shatters the night.
I wake up alone,
you're not here.
Now I'm drowning in a pool of fears.
Drowning in a thousand tears.
Drowning because you're not here.
(I am gone send me on my way,
I am gone take away my pain.
I don't want to suffer,
wash it all away – or I'd like to wish anyway.)

(by Randy E. Halprin)

I'm day dreaming again.
I'm floating on the wind,
with arms stretched out like angels –
I think of you.
The stars are your halo,
shines brightly in the night.
Oh, how I wish for just one night.
I think of you,
yours cheeks kissed gently by the sun.
My arms reaching for you –
please don't run.
In my moments like this,
it's all I can wish,
it's all I can hope.
I think of forever and my own fragility.
(What does forever mean?)
I'm day dreaming of you and me...

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Like a strangle hold,
you have my heart.
Hands gripped tightly around it.
I'm confused and scared.
Sometimes I don't know what to do,
or where I should run.
But I'm so tired of running away.
Afraid to face the day,
afraid to face the truth.
What more can I do?
I'm hostage to your soul.
I'm in your strangle hold.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Fall from the sky,
my vanilla.
Cover me with smiles,
my vanilla.
You're good with strawberries,
you taste so sweet.
A treat from the heavens,
you lift me up off my feet.
My vanilla,
will you still love me when I fail?
Will you remain by my side?
Because, my dear vanilla,
you make me feel so good inside.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

She shouldn't have to kiss him farewell -
only for this time.
A smile and hand upon his face,
a tear to say good bye.
Into sunset she will walk,
and leave him standing in darkness.
Shooting stars and falling sadness.
This night will be good bye.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

These dreams kiss us sweetly in the night,
falling from endless sleep.
Upon restless nightmare you've chased from me.
Free to open our wings,
fly high above the sea of clouds.
Forever in flight,
forever in love,
forever aloud.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

It's a shame we should fall on such a beautiful day.
It's a shame we should cry,
or that we should die on such a beautiful day.
You hold me in your arms,
as we kiss our last kiss.
One last dance.
One last breath.
One last kiss.
Blood pouring from our eyes,
as our hearts flutter and die.
The end is at head;
our love is gone,
our love is dead.
Oh, what a shame!
That this should happen,
that this should end...
On such a beautiful day.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Just a little sip from your lips,
that's all I hope.
A taste.
A touch.
To smell your hair,
to feel your skin,
and hold onto you tightly –
to never let go.
Just a sip.
One little drink.
As we'd slip into bliss.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

We trip this love fantastic.
So spastic.
So in awe tonight.
Dreams surround us,
with heavens light above us.
Neon and bright.
We trip this love,
forever aglow,
like angel white snow.
So drastic.
So in awe tonight.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

where are you now?
I can't figure it out.
You changed.
You grew,
and flew.
At first I was proud,
that you had broken from your cocoon.
But the butterfly I knew,
has flown away.
The butterfly I loved,
is not the same.
Mi linda mariposa has gone astray,
and left me with the shell she was yesterday.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

There you were,
the woman of my dreams.
Impossible to touch.
Impossible it seemed.
Your gorgeous eyes.
Your gorgeous smile.
Impossible to look at you,
for only a short while.
I miss you telling me, "I love you, Baby".
I miss you saying, "I love your eyes, Randy".
Impossible as it seemed,
I could never truly give up on the dream.
But now all I can do is scream...
Because I've lost you forever,
or so it seems.
I miss you in a hundred thousand different ways.
I pray to win you back,
because I feel nothing's impossible,

(by Randy E. Halprin)

(I can't remember the first verse of this song but the music is still in my head, and at least half of the lyrics have remained in my memory. It was written during the summer of '95, and I composed the music solely on my keyboard just before I pawned it. I think I did have a title to the song when I wrote it, but it's disappeared from memory now)

(First verse unknown...)

But you just sit and stare across the room,
thinking of things I've done.
Waiting for some one to comfort you.
Losing hope you start to run.
From the lies I told you,
and the games that I played,
and those fake summer smiles,
on those cold winter days.
Oh, please understand,
what I say now, is true:
I didn't mean to hurt you.
I didn't mean to make you cry.
I didn't mean to say those things to you.
Didn't mean to say good bye...

(by Randy E. Halprin)

"We've got to hold onto the things
that make us smile.
Because we know this life lasts only
a short while.
We've got to hold on,
for things don't last that long,
we've got to hold on.
Even if we don't feel that strong,"
she said.
So where do we belong?
Why do I have this sense of failure?
How do I remain strong,
when you treat me like an unanswered prayer?
Your actions speak louder than words.
You've got to know by now,
actions speak louder than words.
That's why I'm asking you how.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

We burned the pictures,
in a cracking fishbowl
A February chill,
and stories left untold.
We burned the pictures,
all for a new beginning,
for a love without ending,
all starting in a fishbowl.
And as the fishbowl cracked,
my pictures turned to flame and ash
The February wind carrying it all away
Taking my memories away,
leaving me with nothing but a fishbowl -
that couldn't hold water anymore.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

I threw myself to her mercy,
hoping she'd carry me home.
Instead I'm rotting away,
a piece of driftwood in the sea.
Will I reach the shore?
It's too far away to see.
All I can see are rolling waves,
marked by seaweed and filth -
filth I've contributed to.
Maybe I hoped someone would find me,
pick me up,
carve me into something wonderful,
sit me on their shelf,
in their office
(be proud of me).
Instead I'm just out here drifting,
rotting away.

- A Song -
(by Randy E. Halprin)

It couldn't be more perfect.
It couldn't be more wonderful than this.
The days are getting better,
and all I've hoped is in your kiss.
The smiles just keep pouring.
I am no longer running away.
When the sun rises up,
I can finally embrace the day.
Because of you I'm happy,
no more tears stream down my face.
Because of you I see rainbows,
and your love is my saving grace.
Because of you I'm dancing,
I can finally smile at the day.
Because of you I am standing strong,
you've chased my pain away.
It couldn't be a better day.
There couldn't be a better way,
to say how much you've changed me.
Because of you I am happy.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

I'm lost in your heart.
I'm one with your soul.
And even when I don't know,
which direction I should go -
you're the only place that I can call home.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Why can't I recieve you?
Why can't I recieve truth?
Why can't I recieve what I want to believe in -
why don't prayers go answered,
and wishes come true?
Why can't I believe in what's not right in front of your eyes?
Deep inside the sea grows.
The flower blooms.
I want to hope.
I want the truth.
Where are you -
if not right in front of my eyes?
They call you truth.
They call you divine.
Though, the pain won't subside -
even when I try to invite you in.

(by Randy E. Halprin)
(words inspired by Explosion In The Sky's "The Moon Is Down")

Don't cry.
I told you.
I need you.
I love you.
Even if I have to go.
I won't be gone long.
I'll always be your love song.
Don't cry.
Please let those tears dry.
I wish I could kiss you a thousand times.
And even if I can't -
I love you.
I won't be gone forever.
I told you.
I still need you.
I love you.
I'll wait forever.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

I think I've finally accepted my fate.
Love, this time has come too late.
And now as I watch it all disintegrate right in front of my eyes.
I can't say that I was taken by surprise.
There's no more hidden chances.
No long distance romances.
My luck with love always seems to fall straight through.
Heart burned by the flames of dark spells.
(I guess it would be easier to say oh well, but hell... I can't)
She ran away.
She won't be coming back today.
I can watch it all disintegrate.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

don't let it defeat you.
Don't let them beat you.
We are stronger than this.
when time seems to be against us,
when the world seems to want to eat us,
know that we can win this.
We are stronger than this.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

In the morning dew,
I can see you.
Dripping with sunshine,
on your leaves.
Beaded pearls rolling off of your petals.
You are mine,
sparkling and pure.
You drip like tears to the grass.
I will enter you soon,
as only soul mates could,
My beautiful soul.
Let me pollinate you.
In the morning dew.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

There's a billion ways to tell you that I love you.
A billion ways to say we can.
Envelope each other in our arms.
And dance this quiet dance.
Tonight the sky holds no limit.
Only opportunity and chance.
Tonight your eyes are diamonds,
I'm lost at just a glance.
And tonight we could storm heaven,
make it ours for the taking.
Tonight we could live forever,
in our love making.
Tonight tonight tonight;
set our hearts alight.
It's in the palm of our hands.
It's in the way that you stand.
It could be ours tonight.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

In and out,
Come to me.
It's not the end.
It could never be.
Feel eternity.
Feel my soul.
Join with me.
Hold my hands.
We'll always be.
I drink from your essence,
Drink you completely.
It's not too late.
We'll reunite -
if only at heaven's gate.
Because time nor love ever really dies.
Feel me.
Feel the divine.
It's never too late.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

You thought we would finally see over the horizon.
A new beginning was upon us,
that all would be okay.
Flowers would bloom through this concrete gloom –
love would find it's way.
And forgiveness wouldn't be the double edged sword that it is.
A catch 22.
Damned if I do,
forsaken if I don't.
I chose to ask.
I came unmasked.
I meant it in my heart.
Yet, it still fell upon deaf ears.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

I can't say what it was about you.
The words don't come out right,
I was trembling with fright
(at your beauty).
No words to say what's right to keep you here.
You were like lightning in a bottle.
So we said good night -
one last time.
A bed on fire -
one last time.
You'll always live on in my mind.
You'll always be a part of me -
all the time.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Washed away.
A love rearranged.
All I ever wanted was a chance to play -
without my heart being cut away,
or turned away in shame.
My heart defaced.
You watch my tears stream down my face…
As my love for you is rinsed away.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Two and half years later and
I'm right back where I started
Unable to get your voice out of my mind,
or your face, or your laugh -
the stomp of your feet,
and all of your mimicry
Sometimes the memories are like -
a sledge hammer to my head,
and to my heart.
I'm running out of places to start
And...weren't we supposed to soar,
not fall? And...wasn't I supposed to be
the answer to it all?
And...I can't seem to let it go
And... I don't ever want to lose hope
And...even if there's no hope,
I don't ever want to let it go

(by Randy E. Halprin)

I had dreams...
For days you'd swim with me.  
Dipping in the sweet water,
bathing in the clouds and light.  
But now nothing seems right.
I'm fighting monsters,
and canon fodder.
Your words exploding like a thousand suns.  
I realize that I'm not the one.
What can save me anyways?  
Let it down.
Let it down.
Let your hair down again.  
Let me drown.
Let me drown.
Let me swim with you again.  
Chase the masters away.
Take me to that happy place.
I want to love again.
No more monsters
No more men
I need to be with you again

(by Randy E. Halprin)

I'm so hungry for your lips.
I'm so thirsty for your kiss.
I'll never quite see why you are starving me,
depriving me,
of what we used to be.
I'm so hungry.
I'm so hungry.
Let me please
Take a bite of you.
Let me drink from you.
Let me kiss your lips.
Quench my thirst.
My desire for you lingers on…

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Could I have it all wrong?
My perspective on life,
and songs…
Where does it all come from?
Where does it all dwell?
Is it in my mind,
or in my heart…?
Could it come from heaven?
Or could it come from hell?
Could I be wrong?
Each time I fall in love…
Is love in chemicals?
Or does it come from something more lyrical?
When I fall down,
when I fall in love.
When I fall each time…
Could I have it all wrong?

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Worse than having my eyeballs dug out with spoons.
Worse than being hung from the moon.
Worse than falling on my face for you.
Is how I still feel about you.
Worse than being run over by a train.
Worse than drowning in the rain.
Worse than blowing out my brains.
Is how I still fall for you.
Over and over and over again.
Don't say maybe, don't say pretend.
Lying to wait.
Dying to be friends.
It's the last beat of our hearts that marks our end.
Worse than freezing in the cold.
Worse than feeling a hundred years old.
Worse than being crushed by the fold…
No, nothing could ever hurt worse...
Than having fallen in love with you.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

You could've taken my very last pint…
The only bit of blood my heart had left to pump.
That's what I would've given to you.
That's how much I loved you…
All you had to do was ask.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Just like a fool,
I will fall for you again.
Just like a fool,
I will call for you again.
You'll step all over me.
And even though I can see,
my love is blind,
I am weak.
You'll stomp all over me.
But just like a fool,
I'll continue to let you.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Here I am with my heart in my hands,
facing you all over again.
For so long we've been playing pretend,
I didn't want to believe that we could ever end.
(It's never easy to say so long.
It's never easy to leave alone.)
As I wipe the tears away,
I'll watch you walk away.
I'll hear my heart break -
in our love's death wake...
(It's never easy to say so long.
It's never easy to be alone.)

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Her eyes shine like sparkling diamonds.
They've been crystallized,
caught wide eyed -
surprised and beautified.
Could she be any more beautiful than she is right now?
Her metamorphosis into a butterfly.
Her wings spread wide,
she flies away to kiss the nearest flower.
Resting on green stemmed towers...
As the rain falls down,
she bathes herself in cleansing tears of love.

(an acrostic)
(by Randy E. Halprin)

Maybe you don't understand what you mean to me.
All I have ever done is believe in you.
Longing to one day touch you.
In all of this -
all I ever wanted was your love.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

A blue flame,
consuming me.
Eating away at my oxygen.
I can't breathe,
don't let it be our end.
A fire so hot.
A love in pain.
Burning up my heart,
I'm in flames -
praying for a cleansing rain.
My screams,
my dreams,
consuming me
Why would anyone do this to me?
Or us…
Why would anyone try to burn us up?
Why is this red turning to blue?
What do I have to do to prove,
that I had been nothing but true.
But this blue flame still burns.
Exhaust this flame.
Make me whole again.

(Don't Walk Away)
(by Randy E. Halprin)

Beautiful face -
where did you go?
Lovely woman -
I need to know..
I can't get you out of my head.
Your face (Don't walk away)
Your love -
all frozen in time.
Why can't I gaze -
into those eyes one more time?
Why can't you whisper that you're still mine?
Try as I may -
I can't stop thinking of your beautiful face.
Full of grace and enchantment.
Don't you know you haunt me?
Please don't walk away…
Don't take away -
that beautiful face.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

In the cool breeze,
we sit beneath our tree.
The one that you carved our names into.
You smile at me,
your head resting on my knees.
It always felt too good to be true.
As floating leaves pass by,
you watched tears fall from my eyes.
You whispered, "I love you"…
(We were like fall)
I remember and I wish
That life wasn't as harsh as it is
When I had hope in my hands
When I didn't have to try to understand
Love was what it was
And you were what it is
Yeah, sometimes I wish that life wasn't as cold as it can get.
I moved to kiss your lips.
Your head resting on my hips.
Sitting beneath our tree,
as you gave into me...
And it's disappeared - it's all gone.
A life frozen in time.
No more tears over you.
I won't try this time.
I don't care this time.
I don't care if we were like fall.
But you know that's a lie…

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Can you see your face reflected in my eyes?
Because I can see my tears falling in your eyes.
You know I always stood by your side.
I never thought I'd stand here listening to our love cry.
I gave my all to be your one.
I sacrificed lives and came undone.
Can you see the face you said you loved?
Or am I the person you have abandoned?

(by Randy E. Halprin)

I'm not one to boast or gloat,
but had it not been for me,
you'd still be staying home.
You'd be afraid to go outside,
to do the things you now do in life.
I did everything I could to make you smile.
Made you feel special,
and beautiful inside.
And who, may I ask,
will carry that torch?
Who will make you feel,
like the best on earth?
Who will tell you the things that I did?
Treat you in the ways that I did?
Make you feel as beautiful as I did?
In case you haven't figured it out.
Incase you haven't tried.
By the way:
I'm one of a kind.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

Living in a heart shaped bubble,
I didn't want the trouble -
that this love would bring.
Between doubling my problems,
and dealing with reality,
my heart has burst -
just like I knew it would.

(by Randy E. Halprin)

You flushed it down the shitter.
You gave up a little too soon.
And now there's no room –
for an excuse.
I guess you can say I'm a bit bitter.
Because you gave up too soon.
Reflected on our doom –
you said I was your excuse.

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