Falling Down (Ch. 34) - Randy Halprin
Randy Halprin
"We tend to see a person in the moment, not as the journey they travelled to get here." Kat Lehmann
Memoirs
**Warning...contains offensive language, and reference to drug use**
FALLING DOWN : PART TWO (1996)
Chapter 34
(by Randy E. Halprin)
A Memoir
When The Cure's new album “Wild Mood Swings” was released, I'd started my day with excitement! I jumped out of bed, grabbed some shower stuff, and went to get cleaned up for the day. I stopped by the cafeteria to eat a quick breakfast, and got ready to head out, and realising I had forgotten my Walkman, I ran back to my locker to grab it before heading to the music store – I wanted to be there when the doors opened.
There was lots of people of the bus – obviously headed to work at that time of the morning, and I noticed one really cute girl about the same age as myself, sitting alone with the headphones on. I turned my ear to hear what she was listening to, and she had Lexington's new alternative station playing, and her lips were moving to New Order's 'Blue Monday'...She caught me looking at her, and smiled. I gave her a shy wave and held my Walkman up to show her I was listening to the same thing, and she nodded. I wish I had had the nerve to introduce myself, but instead I sat there jamming along to the music.
The bus dropped me off at the Fayette Mall, and I crossed the street to the music store. It was just opening, and the stereo system was already playing The Cure album; I could feel goosebumps spread across my body...I felt alive with excitement! I noticed that the guy I normally talk to – the guy whose band I tried out for – wasn't at the store, and when I asked another girl I routinely talked to about music, she said he quit to travel with his band. I couldn't help but feel a tinge of sadness thinking had things been different with me, I could have been with them.
“That's the new Cure album playing, right?” I asked the girl.
“Yep. Sounds pretty good so far. Let me guess, you want to go to a booth to listen to it?”
“Hell yeah! I've been waiting on new music for a while,” I said. She pulled out a copy that had already been opened and handed it to me. I looked at the album art – yellow, with a toy clown on the front – and took it to a booth to listen to. I took the CD out of the jewel case and popped it into the disc tray, and pushed 'play'...
“Went” was the first song on the album and it had that classic Cure building intro. The next song, “Club America” was a bit different; an obvious political song with Robert Smith channeling David Bowie on vocals. And there was a 7 minute song called “Bare” that was heart breaking.
I listened to the album at least three or four times, and then went to buy my own copy. I walked back to the check out area and handed the girl the CD when I noticed there was also a new album release from the Cranberries. “I didn't know they had new music out too! May I listen to that?” She grabbed an opened disc and handed it to me. It was a fantastic album, and the track, “Free to Decide” hit me the hardest. Sadly, I didn't have enough money to afford two cassettes, so I handed it back to her and just bought the Cure album before thanking her, and leaving the store.
I stopped by the Cinemark movie theater to see if they had any matinee features and there was a showing of “James and the Giant Peach” that was done by the same people who created, “Nightmare Before Christmas,” so I decided to go in and watch it. I really enjoyed the movie and it was a very faithful adaptation of the Roald Dahl classic. I left the theater feeling like it was turning out to be a perfect day. On the bus ride back I listened to my new cassette and felt in such a state of zen that when I got off downtown, I decided I was going to stop by Steak Fest, apologise to my old boss, and wish them well, but at the last minute I chickened out and instead headed to Tolly Ho. The place was empty so I bought a plate of Chilli Cheese fries, enjoying the food as I listened to my new cassette. I'd been there a while when a punk rocker dude came into the hang out and his spiked hair tipped with colours of green, blue and red, caught my eye. He nodded to me and I nodded back, then he ordered some coffee and sat alone. I remember thinking, “I'm dyeing my hair today!”
I finished my food and left in a hurry. I had some sugar free Kool Aid in my locker back at the shelter, and I remember at school hearing that you could use that as cheap hair dye...It was worth a try. When I went to my locker I pulled it out and looked at the plastic jar and thought, “Here goes nothing.” I hadn't the slightest clue as to what I was doing but it didn't stop me from trying! I washed my hair and began to rub the dark red drink mix in my hair. It ran down my face in thick red streams, and I looked like a victim in a slasher movie! I rubbed it into my hair, my hands blood red, when from behind me I heard, “Good lawd almighty!” I turned around and a guy was there, hip cocked to the side, and hands resting on his hips.
“What on sweet earth are you doing?”
“Dying my hair?” I replied.
“Whoever told you to use Kool Aid needs to be slapped from here to California!”
Feeling embarrassed I became defensive and said, “How the hell would you know?”
“Because, I'm a professional hair stylist. Just fell on some bad times, sweetie. Wash that horrid stuff out of your hair; I've got some professional stuff in my locker. We'll do it the right way.”
I squirted some shampoo into my hand, turned on the sink and rinsed the drink mix out of my hair, but I still had stained red streaks down my forehead.
“Idiot!” I told myself in the mirror, drying my hair. When I walked into the hallway, a chair had been set up and a black leather bag was sat next to it.
“Sit down, honey.” The guy said.
I sat down and he draped a black cloth over my body and fastened it around my neck.
“First, I'm going to have to trim your hair a bit. It's a little unruly.”
He grabbed some scissors and began to snip away the ends of my hair. It was a little past my chin in length. “I'm gonna keep it right at your chin, but thin it out a bit. You do have some really gorgeous thick hair. You sure you want to dye it?”
“Yeah,” I said.
When he was done cutting it he grabbed a bottle of peroxide and rubbed it into my hair. “This will help lighten it so the dye will really stick. What color do you want? I've got red, green, purple, blue...”
“Green!” I said, thinking of myself looking like the Joker.
“How about green streaks? It'll look really good when your hair darkens back up.”
We waited quite a bit to let my hair lighten and then he told me to rinse it again. When I came back to the chair he pulled out a green bottle of Manic Panic! Hair Dye, and started separating clusters of my hair and running it up and down the hair. Then he wrapped the clusters in foil pieces.
“Just sit here for a while and then we'll take this foil off and you'll be good to go!” He said.
As I was sitting there a counsellor came up to me and said, “A friend of yours is here.” I was thinking maybe Bill stopped by but then Emma was standing in front of me. I was livid. The shelter had a policy of protecting the privacy of the people staying in the shelter; they wouldn't even tell the police unless there was some kind of warrant or someone was acting up or violating a rule.
“Who let you in?” I asked.
“It doesn't matter.” She said.
“Yes it does! Why are you here?”
“I want my money and don't tell me you don't have it! People see you all over the UK campus partying it up. If you've got money to do drugs, then you've money to pay me back.”
I became angrier. “Don't freaking get all holier than thou like I'm some kind of junkie now. You know what, just leave...You're not getting shit now. Screw off!” I said.
Emma stood there for a second and then turned around to leave. The hair stylist came back and could see I was upset. “You okay, hon?” He asked.
“Sure. Is this ready yet?” I asked.
He took the foil out of my hair and said, “Looks good! Go and wash your hair and tell me what you think.”
I did as I was told and when I looked at myself I looked and felt like a new person. “Screw everyone.” I said, and walked out.
Over the next few days I received a lot of compliments on my new look. At Tolly Ho I had more people gravitating towards me and I began to put on an air of confidence – losing myself even more in the process. I even began drinking more, despite the fact I couldn't stand the taste of beer.
When I returned to the shelter one afternoon, a counsellor at the front desk told me my dad had called, and said he wanted me to call back immediately. I was a bit confused because I hadn't even told my dad I'd returned to the shelter. That meant someone close to me had to have told him...I could've ignored the request but instead walked to a payphone and called collect. My dad answered and accepted the call.
“How did you know I was back in the shelter?” I asked.
“I can find you anywhere you are.”
“So, you are spying on me now?” I said, getting upset.
“You lied to me and your mother. You're not going into the military...When you disappeared I called every recruitment office in Lexington and I couldn't find a single person who could confirm you had enlisted.”
I felt ashamed...I thought that the only way I could get his attention and feel like he loved me again, was to tell him I was going into the military – that's why I tried to enlist. I wanted with all of my heart and soul to tell him that was the reason I did it, but instead, I remained silent until he said, “You didn't even work at a place called Steak Fest.”
“What? Who told you that, because that is bullshit!”
“I called the place up and they said they never heard of you. Are you ever telling the truth?”
“That is such bullshit, dad. I worked there but I quit because they found out I was Jewish and treated me like crap after that! I've got pay cheque stubs to prove I worked there and if you want me to fucking mail them to you, I will!”
“It doesn't matter. I also heard you're running around doing drugs. Doing LSD.”
“Who told you that, dad?” I said. Immediately thinking it was Emma. Was this her revenge?
“Do you know that out of all the drugs you could pick to do, LSD is one of the worst?” It never leaves you...You could have a flash back years down the line!” He lectured.
“Great!” That means I won't have to pay for it!” I said, sarcastically.
“We don't even know who you are anymore, Randy. You don't act like a Halprin.”
“Yeah? You don't act like a dad!” I hung up the phone, and headed back to the dorm area...I wanted to grab my Walkman and some tapes so I could get out somewhere for a while and cool off. When I got to my locker, I noticed it was slightly open. I thought I must've not closed it all the way, but when I opened the door and looked at the shelf where I kept my tapes, CDs and Walkman, everything was gone! All of my clothes, shampoo, and cologne were all there, but the things that mattered the most to me were gone!
I slammed the door and began to scream at the top of my lungs...Almost everyone in the dorm was asleep and I woke them all up. “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SHIT?!?!? WHO FUCKING STOLE MY STUFF?”
Someone I woke up told me to shut up and keep it down, and I said, “Fuck you! I want to know who took my shit? Someone saw it, I know they did!”
I want to empty beds and began to flip mattresses off the bunks. I went to lockers with no locks and began to throw peoples' stuff out of them. Some guys ran up to me to restrain me, and I struggled with them until they had me pinned on the ground and some counsellors and a couple of security guards came in...Rusty was one of them.
“What the hell is going on in here? Rusty asked, telling the guys holding me down to let me go.
“He's doped up out of his mind! Probably crack!” A homeless guy yelled.
“I'm not on crack. I'm not on anything! Someone broke into my locker and stole my stuff.”
“Call the cops and have him arrested!” Another homeless guy yelled.
One of the counsellors said, “No one is getting arrested. Randy, go up to the front so we can figure out what is going on.”
Rusty stood in between me and some other guys, and walked me to the front. I was all but certain they were about to kick me out of the shelter, but we stopped at the check in desk and everyone began to ask me what happened.
“I just got off the phone with my dad and when I want to my locker, my tapes, my CDs, my Walkman, were all gone.” I said.
“Did you have a lock on it?” A female asked.
“No. I never got a lock.” I said, feeling like the most stupid person on the planet.
They told me to stay at the front for a bit to calm down, but I knew the only thing that would settle my nerves would be music. “Can I just go and play the piano in the cafeteria for a bit? It'll calm me down.”
Rusty stayed with me and walked me to the cafeteria. I sat down at the piano and began to plunk the keys. It did help me to calm down. As I was playing, an older lady I'd never seen before came up to me and said, “You play pretty good.”
“Thanks.” I replied.
“I'm Nancy – one of the directors here.”
“Okay...” I said, not sure where this was going.
“How old are you?” she asked.
“Eighteen. Why?”
“Tell me your story. How did you end up here?”
I stopped playing and told her about being expelled from school, problems with my parents, and how I just wanted to go back home and start over.
“How about you help me out with some things. You're on the ground floor with these guys and know what their needs are, and we want to change some things around.”
“You aren't going to kick me out?”
“Why would we do that? I can see you need a bit of guidance, that's all. Let's help each other out. What d'ya say?”
“Okay,” I said. Feeling a little bit better.
Over the next few weeks, Nancy really took me under her wing, and she even talked me into taking the GED classes, “Just an hour or two. It'll be good for you.” She said.
She wanted my advice on things like hygiene products, clothing for homeless people, better food for the cafeteria...We made trips to Sam's Club, a wholesale warehouse, where we bought better quality toothbrushes in bulk, as well as shampoo kits, soaps, and other hair products. Often, we'd stop off at Dairy Queen and she'd buy me a Butter Finger flavoured Blizzard, an ice cream treat. She never once judged me, and even though I still had that pull to head to Tolly Ho and party, she was trying to steer me in the right direction. I started to feel like I needed to change my life. To seriously get back on track.
This double life – normal in the day time, partier at night – wasn't sustainable for me. Deep inside I knew that if I continued on that trajectory, I'd have an explosion far worse than tearing up a dormitory over stolen tapes...I knew I had to figure out a way to get back home.