Falling Down (Ch. 26) - Randy Halprin
Randy Halprin
"We tend to see a person in the moment, not as the journey they travelled to get here." Kat Lehmann
Memoirs
**Warning...contains offensive language, and reference to drug use**
FALLING DOWN : PART TWO (1996)
Chapter 26
(by Randy E. Halprin)
A Memoir
Pam had left the Hope Center, and just as she had said, some new counsellors began working and they all seemed cool. I also began to talk to one of the security guards, Ronnie. I asked him if when I went to Richmond for the open house at EKU, would there be any problem with me getting back into the shelter late, considering it wasn't “work”. He told me he'd let me in regardless.
I talked to Bill to try and get some acid to take with me and he said he couldn't do it on short notice. Then he began to grill me about my trip...
“Want us to come along?” he said.
“No. Absolutely not!” I replied.
“Come on, man...You ashamed of us? We'll behave. You won't even notice we're there!”
“Man...I'm not ashamed of y'all! But it is a day I just want to spend with my girlfriend, and I don't need any distractions.”
“Pussy whipped!”
“Funny...I need to get away from all of...this.” I said, waving my arm around the shelter. “I need a break and this is the perfect opportunity.”
“Alright.”
I left early in the morning and took a bus to New Circle Road, got off near my old apartment, and walked the rest of the way to the Grey Hound Bus station. I tried to buy a round trip ticket, but they told me they only did one way trips to Richmond and I'd have to buy a ticket back to Lexington. They had just one bus that left at 7pm in the evening, and if I missed it, I'd be stuck until the morning. It made little sense to me, but I purchased the ticket and waited for the bus leaving for Richmond. I didn't have the acid that Tracy wanted, so to make up for it I ran across the street, quickly, to buy a couple of bottles of cough syrup from the grocery store. I made it back in time to hop on the bus.
It took only about an hour to get to Richmond, and I was in awe of how beautiful it was...Rolling hills, thick with evergreen trees as far as the eye could see, and Eastern Kentucky University nestled in the middle of it all. The bus pulled up in front of a small SUBWAY sandwich shop, and the driver told me that I better make the 7pm bus back because a snow storm was moving in, and I could get stranded for days if that happened. I looked at the grey skies, and almost on cue, the wind picked up, and the clouds turned a charcoal grey color.
I hopped off the bus and headed towards some college buildings. There was an administrative building right ahead, and I went in and asked the secretary where the open house was being held. She told me to get to the common area, and I walked a block or two until I saw some school buses pull in – they were from surrounding schools in Kentucky. I looked around to see if I noticed a familiar OBI van, but didn't, so I went inside the Cafeteria and waited. At 10am, I walked back outside and noticed a familiar van pulling in – Amy was one of the first out of the van, followed by Tracy and some other students from OBI. My piano teacher, Mrs Cushman, was there, as well as her daughter who was a pro-level pianist. I ran up to them and they seemed surprised to see me. Mrs Cushman asked me how I was doing, and I told her I was hanging in there. Tracy and Amy walked up to me and I hugged them both, and off we went to check in to the Open House. The college gave us an itinerary, as well as a tote bag with a school sweatshirt, some stickers, and some other items. We were told that we'd first be introduced to the school choir, and participate in singing a few songs. It all felt a bit awkward to me because I was acting like a student, even though I wasn't one.
Around lunch time, we all filed back to the Cafeteria, and I bought lunch for the three of us. Tracy asked about the acid and I told her I couldn't get it, but I brought some cough syrup instead. She grabbed my back pack and rummaged around it, feeling for the bottles, and then told Amy to follow her to the bathroom as she left with my back pack. I sat there feeling odd, until they returned.
“Please tell me you'll get some acid for my birthday. Just send it to me!”
I began to feel like that was all she cared about, and I wondered why I bothered coming at all...We hadn't kissed, hadn't even as much as held hands, and as if to emphasize the point when another student referred to me as Tracy's boyfriend, Tracy responded, “Oh, we broke up a long time ago! We're just friends.”
Once the cough syrup took effect, Amy and Tracy giggled and ran off with each other...I was left spending time with the other Oneida students. I vaguely remember a conversation with Mrs Cushman's daughter as she was curious about trying out drugs, and I told her not to mess with them, which in hindsight was hypocritical of me, but maybe a part of me was warning her.
The end of the day came, and I felt like it was all a waste...I walked everyone back to the van and kissed Tracy on the cheek. She told me to call her and they climbed in and the van pulled away. A few snow flakes fell from the sky and the wind picked up a little, so I hurried back to the SUBWAY and went inside, purchased a ticket back to Lexington, and waited.
The bus arrived at 7pm on the dot, and I climbed in as the flakes turned to flurries. The bus pulled into Lexington a little after 8pm, and a snow storm was in full effect. Shit, I thought. It wasn't quite a blizzard, but the roads were soon covered in snow, and I could see no traffic. I decided to call a taxi cab to take me back to the Hope Center.
“Everything is suspended right now,” the operator told me. “We're not sending our drivers out there in that mess until they clear the roads up.”
“How long do you think that'll be?” I asked.
“Not tonight. The storm is supposed to get worse.”
Great. I was either going to have to spend the night in the lobby of a Grey Hound bus station, or walk back to the Hope Center. I decided to walk. It wasn't the worst decision I'd ever made...The snow was coming in hard, and I could barely see. My face was frozen, and the cold was seeping into my feet, but at a certain point I was on automatic pilot and all I could think about was what a waste the day was. My sadness numbed me...It was as if the universe was telling me, “You have to let go of Tracy or you'll keep getting into these situations.” I deserved this, but still I wasn't listening...Instead, I continued to plow my way through the road blocks the universe always seemed to put in my path to get my attention.
I finally made it down town, took the short cut through the government housing, crossed the train tracks, and I was back at the Hope Center. When I rang the buzzer at the front door, a new female counsellor saw me, half frozen and shivering, and mouthed the words, “Oh my God!” And she quickly opened the door. I was so cold I couldn't even talk. She went down a hall and came back with a blanket and threw it around me. “Jesus! Are you okay?”
“Y-y-y-y-e-e-e-e-ah.” I managed...Teeth chattering together. Ronnie walked into the lobby area and said, “Holy shit, man!” He told me to follow him, and took me back to the Cafeteria. Some guys were playing cards and watching TV but there was coffee and soup still out from earlier. He helped me with a bowl of soup, and poured me a cup of coffee. I sat down at a table and began to defrost. “When you feel better, come out to the lobby and talk to me,” Ronnie said.
When I could feel my feet, I grabbed the styrofoam cup of coffee and headed back out to the lobby. The woman who let me in was there, along with Ronnie. Everyone asked if I was okay, and I said, “Yeah, but the trip to EKU was a bit of a bust. It's cool though.”
“Well, when things settle down a bit and they turn the lights out, I want to talk to you.” Ronnie said.
“Okay...Hey, so you know-”
“Rusty told me about it and he felt bad. This has nothing to do with that. Rusty would apologize again, but he's on vacation. I want to talk about something else.”
“Okay.” I said, and headed back to the dorm area.
Bill and Danielle were chattering in a corner, and both ran up to me. “Dude! Your face is cherry tomato red!”
“I had my 'Luke-on-Hoth' moment...Nearly froze to death.” I responded.
“See, you should've let us come with you. How did it go?”
“A bust...Waste of time.”
“Well, it goes to show that no woman is worth all of that. Definitely not turning into a popsicle over,” Danielle said.
“Yeah...”
We caught up and I asked what they were going to do for work with the snow storm and all. “Can't think about that, man. If there's work to be had, it'll come.” Danielle said. “I'm probably jetting after the storm clears anyway...It's time to go.”
“Seriously? I asked.
“Yeah. Bill is trying to get me to stay, but I can't. Y'all are more than welcome to tag along, but I'm flapping my wings. Headed somewhere warm...I've had enough ice and snow this year for a lifetime.”
They decided to call it a night, climbed on their bunks and went to sleep...I laid in bed with my headphones on until everything was settled down and then headed back out to the lobby area where Ronnie was.
“What's up?” I asked.
“You want to leave this place?”
“Of course,” I said, confused.
“I'm not supposed to do this – I could get fired – but I need a room-mate, and I've been watching you, and you don't seem like a trouble maker. I just got a place off New Circle...I know you don't know me, and I don't know you, but I hate to see you here. If anything, you can stay until you save up for your own place.”
“Okay...What's the catch? And just so we're clear, I'm straight.” I didn't want there to be any doubt.
“So am I. The catch is you just pay half of the rent. Utilities come with the apartment, so we're good, and I'm going to be getting cable soon – I'll cover that.”
“If I can get my check from Steak Fest, I can pay half for the first month right now. I just don't want a confrontation with the guy who runs the place.” I said, remembering my drug induced antics from the last time I did some acid.
“I've got your back on that. Once you get out of here, we'll go together.”
“So, we leave tonight?” I asked.
“No...let the snow clear and give it a day or two after. I'll tell you when. I can't have you getting into my car from here, so I'll tell you where to meet me then take you to the place.”
“Alright.”
“Don't tell anyone on staff, okay? I don't want to get fired.”
“Sure.”
I headed back to the dorm area with a renewed sense of hope. Maybe this was my shot to get back on my feet and get everything back on track. The next morning I told Danielle and Bill what happened. They seemed to be surprised, but were happy for me. “Well the fun couldn't last forever.” Bill said.
“This is definitely destiny telling me it's time to leave,” Danielle said. “Too many signs...”
“What about you, Bill? You going to head out or stay here?” I asked.
“I'm staying for a while. I'm loving the college scene too much, and I'm deep in an MUD campaign on-line and don't want to disrupt it.”
We spent the rest of the day hanging out at the shelter. Later that night, the skies cleared...Danielle told me he wanted to talk to me in private and so I followed him to an empty hall in the shelter. “I'm leaving tonight. Don't tell Bill 'cause I don't want him to try to talk me out of it.” He said.
“Sure. Where are you going?” I asked.
“Not sure yet. But I did want you to know that it has been an honour and a pleasure meeting you, and I don't tell just anyone this, but you touched me, man. You've got a good heart, and I can see your soul. This isn't the life for you...You've been given an opportunity and I'm telling you to take it and run with it! Your parents will come back round...You're a good dude.”
I felt a bit uncomfortable but was touched by his words. Then, he reached to his left ear and pulled out his white gold loop. “Take this, man. I've seen you eyeballin' it, and you can take out that rinky dinky loop in your ear and have the real deal Holfield.” He forced it into my hand and then said, “Sterilize it first, dude. I don't want your ear lobe falling off and being remembered for that!”
“Thanks. It means a lot.”
“Bill is a good dude, too. Just a bit lost and distracted. Tell him I said I appreciate the times.”
And just like that, Danielle walked away and I never saw him again.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Another day passed, and Bill was upset that Danielle had up and left. We went to work throwing roofing shingles into a large trash bin, and then headed back to the shelter. “I lost Danielle and now I'm losing you. Man...getting attached to people really sucks.”
“We can still hang out,” I said.
“Yeah, I doubt Ronnie wants someone of my ilk hanging around.”
“So, we meet down town. I'm still going to do Labor World until I get a real job.”
“Nothing is changing?” Bill asked, unsure.
“Man, you're my acid connection for one, and two, there are still adventures to be had!”
Bill smiled and said, “Right on. Right freakin' on, man!”
We walked back to the shelter and when it was time to go in, Ronnie said, “I'm working overnight. Meet me at the Thortons gas station in the morning at 6am...I'll pick you up there.”
“Cool.”
I went back to the cafeteria to have dinner, and then spent the rest of the night chatting with Bill, and listening to my Walkman.
The next morning I pulled everything out of my locker and shoved it all in my soccer bag. I needed to 'check out' of the shelter, and a counsellor had me fill out some paperwork and said, “Good luck!”
I walked about a block away to the gas station, and waited. Ronnie's car pulled up and I quickly got in. We drove through down town, down Winchester Road, and onto New Circle Road. As the car drove closer to my old apartment, I realised I'd be living in the same area I used to, and I told Ronnie I used to live in Continental Square.
“I thought you went to school in Oneida?” he said.
“I did, but I'll tell you the entire story later.”
We ended up pulling into the apartment complex right across the street. I was a bit relieved it was an area I knew fairly well, and within walking distance of down town and the University of Kentucky campus. I wondered if I could get my old job back at SUBWAY?
We got out of the car and walked to the apartment. Ronnie told me to grab the empty room. “I still need to get some groceries for the place, and there's a Winn Dixie right behind the building.” He said, reaching for his wallet and grabbing a hundred dollar bill. “Go get some groceries while I sleep.”
“Sure.” I said.
I looked around the apartment and it was almost bare bones...He didn't even have a TV! There was a couch and lamp on the floor, and he had hung a few pictures up of his family, but that was it. I went into the kitchen and sure enough the cabinets and refrigerator were empty. I decided to go outside and walk around for a little until Winn Dixie opened up and then I went to the store, grabbed a shopping cart, and began to load it up with food. It felt extremely good to be doing something normal for a change. I felt like it was a new beginning...