WHEN ALL I'VE EVER HAD TO GIVE IS LOVE
A Memoir
(by Randy E. Halprin)
Chapter One
Riding
in a car with my new family, to what would be my new home, filled me
with excitement! As we drove out of the countryside of Dallas, Texas,
and into the city, I began to ask my mom and dad a barrage of questions.
“Where are we going?”
“Arlington,” my dad said.
“Where's that?” I asked.
“About thirty minutes away,” my mom said.
“Is it a city?”
“Yep. It even has a couple of amusement parks.”
“What's that?”
“They have rides. Fun things to do. Don't worry, you'll love it!” My mom said.
Oldies were playing on the radio and I asked my new dad if we could listen to some country music.
“I only listen to country,” I said.
“Well, you have a radio in your new room, but in the car we listen to oldies.”
“How does a radio work?” I asked.
“Well, they shrink people really small and then put them into the radio at the factory,” my dad said, teasing me.
My
imagination took over and I could picture tiny little people with
guitars and other instruments, crammed inside the radio. I guessed that
TV worked the same way....
“Will I be able to see my girlfriend when we live in Arlington?” I asked.
“You have a girlfriend?” My mom said in disbelief. “How does a five year old have a girlfriend?”
“I'm five and a half!”
“Have you kissed her yet?” My dad asked.
“Gross!” I yelled.
“Tell us about her,” my mum said.
Whilst
living in the foster home I met a girl who lived down a long gravel
road not far from the house. She was out playing in her yard when I came
running down the road, exploring. She looked about the same age as me
and so I stopped and said, “Hi!”
“You shouldn't run outside bare foot. There's scorpions out here,” she said.
“I
ain't afraid of no scorpions!” I boasted. The truth was I really was
afraid of scorpions, and any other insect for that matter, but I wasn't
about to tell that to a girl!
“My mom said ain't isn't a word. What are you doing out here?”
“Looking for cool rocks,” I said, handing her a large white stone I picked up.
“My name is Sarah. What's yours? She asked me, taking the rock from my hand and tossing it back out onto the gravel road.
“Randy. I'm gonna be adopted. Do you have real parents?”
Over
the next few days I always tried to get away from the foster home
because the teens picked on me, and the foster parents were a bit mean
to me as well. I'd run away to go and play with her instead, and when I
returned, the older kids at the foster home would tease me by singing,
“Randy and Sarah sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love,
then comes marriage, then comes Randy pushing a baby carriage!”
“Shut up!” I'd yell, and run off.
I
remember Sarah's family being very inviting. They'd make us lemonade
and we'd go into the front yard and sit in the grass with a plate full
of homemade cookies and ice cold drinks. The summer was sweltering, but
we didn't care.
“Are you my girlfriend?” I asked her one balmy afternoon.
“I think so,” she replied.
“Well, I ain't kissing you!” I said.
“That's disgusting.” She said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“I know.” I replied.
Another
time her parents invited me to go swimming at a country club they were
part of. The swimming pool was the biggest I'd ever seen and it even had
a slide. I'd been learning to swim with my foster parents and I had a
chance to show off my new skills, so I told Sarah I was going to go down
the slide and into the deep end...
“You can swim in the deep end?”
“I just learned!” I boasted.
I
climbed the steps to the slide, and when I reached the top of the
platform I yelled out, “I'm gonna be Superman!” Some adults cheered as I
went down head first and splashed into the water. I sank like a stone
and then began to kick back up and broke through the surface of the
pool.
“Yeah!” Sarah squealed, throwing her arms up.
When we were done swimming, her parents dried us off and we put on our clothes for dinner.
The
country club had a fancy dining area, but what I remember most vividly
was a TV mounted on some kind of bracket. The Wheel of Fortune was on
and Sarah made a comment about Vanna White's sparkling dress. “That's so
pretty!” She said.
“I'll buy it for you one day when I'm rich!” I said.
Dinner ended and they drove me back home.
Telling
my new mom these stories, I stared out the window, a little sad that I
might never see Sarah again, but then, off in the distance, I could see
the double arches of a McDonalds sign.
“She sounds like a sweet girl,” my mom said.
“Oooh! Can we stop and eat at McDonalds?” I blurted.
“You can see a McDonalds?” My dad asked. “Where?”
“Down there!” I said, pointing off in the distance.
“You must have eagle eyes. We're going to call you 'eagle eye Randy,'” my mom said.
“No Mickey D's today – we'll eat when we get home. I bet you boys are good and tuckered.”
“I never get tired!” I boasted.
“Well, we are.” My dad said.
We
reached Arlington and inched closer to my new home. Wesley had fallen
asleep and leaned into me, snoring softly. The car turned down some
roads as I took everything in and then my dad said, “This is our
street,” as we turned into another street with houses lined up on both
sides.
The
car slowed down in front of the house, and my dad reached up to the
window visor, pressing a button that opened up the garage door. Then we
pulled in, dad turned the engine off, and closed the garage door. I
stepped out of the car whilst my mom climbed out and made her way to the
other door and opened it up. Then, she gently took Wesley's seat belt
off so she could pick him up, but he stirred, then wrapped his arms
around me tightly, like a koala bear clinging to a eucalyptus tree.
“This is the laundry room,” dad said, as we walked through the door.
“This is the kitchen.” Pointing out another room.
“This is the living room. We've got cable TV and the Disney channel.”
“Y'all have cable TV?” I said in wonder.
My mom walked up to a box with buttons sitting on top of the television...
“You
push the buttons for the channel you want, and then 'enter'. So, if you
want to watch Disney, you punch in three, four, and enter. Go ahead and
do it.”
I pushed the tree and four, and then enter, and sure enough a Mickey Mouse cartoon came on.
“Wow...” I couldn't believe it!
“Let's get you guys bathed and into bed.” Dad said.
“I'm not tired!” I said, again.
“Well, bed time is 8.30pm in this house.” Dad said.
He
lead us to the bathroom where there were two sinks, a ceramic bath tub,
and a stand up shower spout over the white tub. Dad turned the water on
to fill the bath, and mom poured in some Mr Bubbles bath foam. The
water exploded into a pinkish foam that smelled like bubble gum, and I
got naked and climbed in, and my mom gently eased Wesley in as well.
“Hey, I was wonderin'” I said in a thick accent. “Are y'all yankees?”
“We are,” my dad said, smiling...
“Well, I'm a rebel!” I declared.
“Well, I got some bad news for you, Randy. The yankees won.” My mom said.
“Oh. Then I want to be a yankee too!”
We
got dried off and dad put an oversized t-shirt on each of us, and lead
us up to our new room. I couldn't believe my eyes! There were twin beds
side by side, a book case filled with books, a huge bean bag chair, a
large swivel chair, and a gigantic teddy bear. On a dresser sat a record
player and a radio. On the shelves were plush animals, but I wasn't
about to let go of the Snoopy I received as a gift from our social
worker. Maybe the other plush toys could make it into my life though.
“Crawl into bed.” My dad said as my mom pulled the blanket up around me and Wesley.
My dad reached onto the shelf and pulled off a large Disney book, and began reading the titles of all the stories inside.
“Read Pinnochio!” I yelled.
He
began telling the story, and quickly I fell asleep...It was probably
the most peaceful sleep I'd ever had up to that point in my life.
The
next morning I woke up to the smell of Eggo Waffles in the toaster. I
wandered out into the living room and cartoons were on, so I sat down
and my dad asked me if I wanted sugar or syrup and cinnamon on my
waffles.
“Syrup!” I said.
He
poured a glass of milk for me, and told me to come and drink it. I
brought the cup to my lips, took a sip, and then spat it out. “Blach!” I
said, scrunching up my face. My dad began to laugh.
“What's wrong with the milk?” Dad asked.
“It's gross!”
“Dan! You gave him the buttermilk!” My mom said.
“I don't like it! Can I have some plain milk?”
“Yes, you may. We're going to have to teach you how to speak proper English.” Dad told me.
I
sat at the dining table and dad poured me a new cup of regular milk,
and put a plate of waffles down. Mom put Wesley in a plastic booster
seat, and cut up his waffles for him. We ate, and my dad said, “Your
grandpa is going to be calling you sometime today.”
“We have a grandpa?” I asked.
“Yes.
He lives in Pennsylvania, and we'll meet him in person for
Thanksgiving. But for now, he wants to talk to you guys on the phone
today.”
We
finished eating our breakfast and went back to the living room to watch
the TV. At some point my mom said, “I heard your favourite movies are
Star Wars and Superman.”
“Are you gonna take us to see 'Return of the Jedi'?” I yelled, hopping with joy!
“As soon as we can, we'll be there. But for now, how would you like to watch Superman?”
She
pulled out a VHS tape, and popped it into a large machine. Then she
pushed 'play' and the movie began. I couldn't believe my luck! My own
copy of Superman? I felt like the luckiest kid on earth. Wesley sat on
the couch in my mom's lap, and I laid down in front of the TV.
“Back up a few inches from the TV, you'll hurt your eyes.” My dad said.
Half
way through the movie my dad got up and headed back to the kitchen. I
could smell hot dogs and macaroni and cheese cooking, and when Superman
was over, he fixed us each a plate and we sat down to eat lunch.
“We'll go swimming once lunch has settled and grandpa calls.”
After a few bites into lunch, the phone rang.
My mom got up to answer it, and I could hear her talking...
“They're right here. I'll let you talk to Randy, first.”
She pulled the cord and phone over to me, saying, “It's your grandpa.”
“Hey, grandson.” I heard the voice say. He had a pleasant and warm voice.
“Hi,” I said, nervously.
“What are you boys up to?”
“Eating
hot dogs and macaroni and cheese.” I answered. “We got to watch
Superman earlier and then after lunch we're gonna go swimming.”
“Sounds
like you boys are having some fun. Well, I wanted to welcome you to the
family and I want you to know I love you. You don't have to doubt that
for a single second. As long as I'm around, you can rely on me and ask
me for anything. Okay? When you boys come up for Thanksgiving, we're
going to have some fun. You ever seen snow?”
“Snow? Y'all have snow up there?”
“Yep. Lots of it. Let me talk to Wesley now, if you don't mind.”
I
handed the phone to mom and they exchanged a few words before she
pressed the receiver to Wesley's ear. He didn't say anything, but he was
smiling.
After
lunch, and talking to our grandpa, dad asked me to help clear the table
– something that became a firm tradition in the following years. When
we were finished, we all put on our bathing suits and headed out to the
back yard where the pool was. The pool took up most of the yard, but I
remember being amazed at both the peach and plum trees that bore fresh
fruit on their limbs.
“We can eat those?” I asked my dad.
“We'll pick a few after we swim. For now, show me how to dive into the deep end,” he replied.
I
walked over the long white diving board, climbed onto it, and ran to
the edge, bouncing as I leapt into the water. I swam all the way down to
the bottom of the pool, feeling my ears pop with pressure, then using
my feet I pushed back to explode through the surface.
“Looks
like we've adopted an Olympian,” my mom yelled, clapping. Wesley sat on
the steps in the shallow end of the pool, with arm floats on. He
splashed the water, oblivious to my diving feat.
We
swam for a few hours and then dried off, making our way back into the
house. At the end of the day my dad told me while there was still a
little summer left, we were going to make a trip to Florida and then
begin to prepare for the school year in September.
“I turn 6 in September!” I said.
“You
sure do,” dad said. Then he picked me up in his bear-like arms, and
swung me around. I let out a shriek of delight, and I guess I had my
tongue sticking out as he dropped me onto my bed – my mouth snapped
shut with force, and as I bounced, I tasted blood. I began crying
hysterically, and my dad didn't hesitate for a second...He grabbed me
and pulled me to him tightly.
“I'm
sorry! I didn't mean to do that! I'll never hurt you, son. Please know
that...I'll never hurt you. We love you unconditionally, and we always
will.”
I stopped crying, and with all of me, I believed every single word he told me.