July 8th, 2023
Since the last day of June it's been one thing after the other and sooo strange. On the 30th I was moved from a cell with no view of the tv to a cell with a view, bumping the guy in the good cell to the bad cell. I tried to explain to him it was beyond my control, he got angry, cussed me and deliberately left the cell filthy so I had to clean it up.
The next morning he found out from the field minister that a bunch of people were shuffled around and to the guy's credit, he did apologize. Still, as I write this, he is trying to have his attorney's call the warden to get the cell back and have me moved again. I'm thinking, okay...so, you were mad because you thought I had you moved but now you are actively working to have me moved again? If you do it, it's okay? Huh?
On the 4th they treated the day as any other day with a chaotic recreation day. I watched a couple of movies but other than that, it was so routine that I forgot to look outside my window and watch the fireworks. It was the first time in 21 years I'd actually forgotten to look out the window if the weather was good to try to see even a glimpse of a burst of color in the distance. It was a shock when I realised it the next day. I really try to not become jaded over holidays and celebrations because it's always allowed me to have a sense of being connected to the world and normal.
Thursday we didn't have rec. or showers. Nothing new there. Yesterday we learned the news, that TDCJ is going completely digital with our mail. This just added to the weird energy of the week. It actually happened late yesterday afternoon...A notice popped up on the tablet with the new rules and address that all snail mail has to be sent to. Snail mail will no longer be allowed after July 17th and there is no grace period for mail post marked before the 17th. Books and magazines may still be ordered or sent as of now, but I can see them eventually doing what Dallas County Jail does by putting an end to all mail and essentially going 100% digital. They are saying there are no limits on pictures, pages or even cards as of now, but it will be scanned at a remote site and forwarded to the Polunsky mail room to then send it to our tablet. They did say that only written mail can be scanned so we're wondering if that includes print outs from the computer or copies of legal work, articles etc. There are always vague policies that are left up to interpretation by the unit mail room. So, we really don't know anything other than that July 17th is the launch date. If you write anyone on the Polunsky Unit you will need to first put their full name and TDCJ number followed by this address:
Polunsky Unit
P.O.Box 660400 Dallas
TX 75266-0400
If a person is ordering books or magazines they may use the original Polunsky Unit Livingston address. This may have been easier to digest if they would have given us a grace period or time to notify loved ones and friends, but they have given us about ten days to notify people and with as slow as the postal service is and the delays in the mail room...no doubt many inmates' people are going to have mail returned to them. Not everyone uses the emessaging system so it is just one more complication that technology brings.
This morning I went outside which was nice. I wanted to watch some movies today but it has been so loud I've not even bothered. I might try this evening and tomorrow. There are a couple I'd like to see. I'm hoping next week brings about less chaos and good things. Maybe even good news. We shall see!
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace.
July 22nd, 2023
It's Saturday evening as I write this and I'm under the fan....There's been a bunch of movies that I've not seen on, but I've only watched one of them, but once the sun goes down and the cell cools down I'll probably give the last two a try.
I've been really distracted of late with all of the chaos of this place so when I feel like writing I jump on it and get as much out of my head as possible. Its been a week of no recreation for us. They did rec. on Tuesday but the guards working were so clueless and in over their head. They throw these new recruits onto a pod without any proper training or having learned how to manage the twelve hour shift and it's the inmates that don't get showers or rec. because of this and lack of any leadership from ranking officers. I do feel sorry for the guards that just don't know what to do, but it is frustrating because recreation is one of the biggest tools in staving off mental and physical health decline and more and more guys are starting to slip. Even I get bouts of anxiety when the day goes chaotic. Each morning I wonder, am I going to get to get out of the cell and a shower or is it another day that I have to bathe out of the sink and figure out what to do for the next 16 hours of the day...? I do my best, though. I gripe every now and then, but I refuse to let it beat me down or keep me from being the best version of myself regardless of the situation.
I've been in my current cell for almost a month so I'm sure they'll end up shuffling me around in the next week or so. I can say this though, July has flown by so fast. Heck, the past year has rocketed by. This next Friday will be one year to the day that I returned to Dallas last summer for hearings. A year! Its been one wild year so maybe that's why it's moved so fast. This coming up Wednesday will be 7 1/2 months that I've been waiting on the CCA to make a ruling, long time friends here have received execution dates, some received stays and now one of my closest friends, Big Will has an execution date. Since last summer it has been an endless roller coaster of ups and downs. I know that should I be granted a new trial there is much more of that in store. As much as I want to leave death row, I'm mindful that if it happens I'm in store for a lot of challenges. By no means would I treat a trip back to Dallas as a vacation or cause for celebration. I have to prepare myself spiritually and mentally for whatever happens next. Its scary for certain. No sense in pretending it isn't. I can only hope in it all there is some forgiveness, mercy and grace. That being said, any time away from here would do my spirit some good. I just would hate to leave these guys behind. Still not sure how I'm going to face that one should a new trial happen.
So, guess who came to Polunsky Unit last week? Rudy!!! The very same guy the football movie is based on. He was interviewed by the prison radio DJ, "Megamind" and it was really interesting and enlightening. He talked about how the goals in our life require hard work and dedication and a willingness to travel the hard path, not an easy one. I just can't believe he came here of all places. They've been getting bigger and bigger people to stop by the radio station which is really amazing considering all of it started only three years ago because of one inmate's dream and persistence. It just goes to prove that we are capable of redemption and are of value if we chose it and that even behind bars people can achieve great things. I'm in a cell all day but I'm always humbled when Megamind calls me his co-producer at the station because of my own contributions of ideas and other things. It gives me a sense of self worth and value.
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith
Peace
August 1st, 2023
I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact it's a new month. Only four months left to the year...
So, last week was really awesome. Last year some friends had talked me into joining the faith based program on Death Row. As a person who is Jewish and still has some baggage and trauma from attending a Baptist Boarding School in the sticks of Kentucky, I wasn't too eager, but once I was convinced that all faiths were welcome and the classes offered were more about accountability, forgiveness, self improvement, and life skills...never mind that it was ground breaking for TDCJ and Death Row, I was excited at the prospect of joining because it lined up with my goals of wanting to live a life of service. These classes would be a great opportunity to put action to my words. And to learn. I signed up, was accepted, and then subsequently denied because my co defendant was on A pod and we are not allowed around each other. Never mind that when we both had execution dates, they had no problem keeping us near each other on death watch...I was crushed, but in the crazy perfect way G-d does things, the CCA ordered a new hearing and I returned to Dallas, so I wouldn't have been able to join anyways.
Some months ago Field Minister Solley asked me if I was still interested and I said yes, but reminded him of the A pod situation and he told me that they were going to do a program on B pod specifically because of my situation and plus it could be an opportunity for others in this pod to join if they'd like. Of course there was always a possibility I would return to Dallas if the CCA rules favorably, but the program for B pod would be in motion and they could use it as a spring board to create a more positive environment on this pod because it can be pretty depressing with the lack of recreation and chaos on this pod. A pod receives a lot of benefits because of their program. Free world visitors, concerts from the outside, sometimes free world food and other benefits. It isn't about pampering inmates... it's about rewarding their hard work, and that's the thing – you are expected to do the work...You can't phone it in. If you don't do your best, or if you create problems, you're out. Or in the words of Winston on John Wick: Your privileges from the continental are revoked.
A month ago they moved those accepted from C section on B pod. It kicked off with Kairos last Wednesday and Thursday. Two 12 Hour Days of listening to speakers, ministers of different denominations and belief systems, workshops, some assignments, and with music breaks and free world food on our breaks. Some of them talked about Jesus and how their faith had helped them through some of the darkest days, but it wasn't preachy or judgemental. In fact, in our introduction they took a microphone to every cell door and allowed us to introduce ourselves and give a bit of personal history. Let me tell you, it's no easy feat being vulnerable in front of 30 plus people on a loud PA system that other sections can hear as well. I talked about how long I've been locked up, being Jewish and how I want to live a life of service...When we did our workshops not one single person tried to preach or convert me. I had fears of being beat up on like in boarding school, but it was all respectful and really loving.
Over the day, speakers talked about how their actions had lead to bad business choices, drugs, affairs and other mistakes. Some of the men were once multimillionaires that lost everything because of their mistakes. Some were done wrong by business partners. After they talked the speakers would come to our cells and we would discuss things like accountability, our own mistakes, and what we have done to be held accountable. One speaker asked us to create an equation that would best explain our mistakes.
Because it was such an intensely long day, the inmate field ministers and life coaches would offer coffee, tea, punch and other drinks to fuel us through it all. And holy moly, the meals...On the first day breakfast was breakfast tacos, boiled eggs, some salsa for the tacos and some fresh fruit. Lunch was a real hamburger with all the fixings and a couple of snacks. Field Minister Solley was taking pictures of us all throughout. Dinner was too amazing for words...Fried chicken, gravy, a sweet roll, potato salad and a huge piece of strawberry short cake – completely provided by and paid for by the free world people. NOTE: nobody's tax money went towards any of this for anyone that would be upset that death row inmates would eat so well.
On Thursday things were flipped around... It was a much more emotional and heavy hearted day because once we have accountability for our actions we can begin the process of forgiveness. Neither can be mutually exclusive because to ask for forgiveness, or to offer it, requires accountability. Forgiveness can't be the powerful force it is without an action behind it. It also doesn't mean that you won't still feel pain or regret...The important thing is to no longer allow that anger, pain or regret to have control over you. We were given a super thin piece of paper and asked to write down the names of those we want forgiveness from or those we forgive throughout the day.
Between speakers we'd have our workshops and talk about forgiveness... I mentioned to one guy about how over the years I've sought forgiveness for so much and how not receiving it tears me up sometimes and I beat myself up over it. He then told me a story about a boy who through his recklessness killed his father's beloved pet. The boy was terrified his father would kill him, but his dad instead forgave him, and said be more careful next time. Then he told him to go bury the pet in his back yard. The boy did as he was told, but the next day after school he went to the back yard, dug the animal back up and brought it back to his father and said how can you forgive me for this? The dad said it was done, he forgave him and told him to go rebury the pet. Again, the boy – unable to forgive himself – dug it back up the next day. Finally the dad pulled him close, looked him in the eyes and said, son... stop digging up the dead pet. Then the teacher looked at me and said I had to stop digging up my own mistakes...learn from it and be accountable, but move forward because just as a person that can't forgive will always be in pain or driven by hate... if we can't forgive ourselves we hold our own growth back and destroy ourselves... Man, I was crying like a baby!
Well, at the end of the day, they picked up the pieces of paper we wrote on and put them all in a burn bin, set it on fire and said, now move forward...Let our past mistakes go and become better men. At the end of the day we were allowed to give a statement or speech and I talked about the experience and how grateful I was for being part of it. There was more great food and snacks throughout the day and they took a lot of pictures. I don't know how many we will be allowed to keep when they are printed, but hopefully I can post one on the site to share soon.
I forgot something funny that happened on Wednesday when the musicians were setting up...A guy said, "Randy can sing! Do a song with him!" So, Solley grabbed a wireless mic and ran upstairs to my cell! I was saying, "No no no no!" Because I'm naturally shy and was put on the spot...now some guys are constantly teasing me for choking under pressure....ha ha.
Initially we were told there would be no assignments until the 9th, when they would do a class for us and then treat the ENTIRE pod to a large pizza donated by a ministry. This has been in the works for some time and some guys on this pod still don't think it's true, but the field ministers assured me it's really happening! I told a guy on another section that IF the CCA ruled in my favor by the 9th I'd give him MY pizza. Why not? It would be much more deserved for him than me.
The weekend passed with no rec or showers, but I watched some good movies on the unit movie channel. If you haven't seen the movie Hell Or High Water, I highly suggest it. It's a true Texas movie through and through and Jeff Bridges as a Texas Ranger should have earned him an Oscar nomination at the very least.
On Saturday afternoon I listened to the classic music show on the prison radio station and one of the DJs in that show and the alternative rock show was one of the musicians during Kairos and we got to meet and chat. Well, on the radio show he told Megamind he finally got to meet me and what an honor it was... I was touched. Troop, Solley and Megamind are always telling people about me and saying really kind things, so throughout those two Kairos days I'd meet a speaker or different field ministers and life coaches and many would say, "I finally get to meet you! We've heard so much about you!” And I'd reply "I hope good things!" ha ha.
Yesterday, a Monday, we finally had a shower after SEVEN DAYS without...how crazy is that? Troop surprised the pod with a movie on the big screens. We watched a Norwegian thriller called The Snowman...The first act of the movie was a bit too slow, but the movie picked up in the second act, and while it was an excellent movie, it was really unsettling and doesn't just get under your skin, it stays there. I've been disturbed by it all day...I think it was because the cinematography and plot is literally buried in tones of grey, white and snow. The snow itself becoming a suffocating psychological blanket of fear...The movie did have some graphic scenes so it isn't for those with a weak stomach or nervous disposition. But if you enjoy psychological thrillers I'd put it up there with Silence Of The Lambs.
Later, Troop had an assignment for us and asked if we would write encouraging letters to kids at a camp for troubled youths called Boys Village. Some guys complained but Troop reminded us that if we were going to do the program it was expected of us and we could be given an assignment at any time – even weekends. If we didn't want to do it, we could drop out at any time.
I was excited by the task. It's in my wheel house and part of my overall goal to reach out to troubled youths so I wrote a two page front and back letter giving a little of my life story and how one poor decision or mistake can put in motion a chain of events that lands a young person in prison for life or on death row. Well, today one of the volunteers I met last week came to my cell which a surprise. He said he was personally invested in our success and growth which was touching. He prayed for a positive ruling for me, and said he'd be around more and he is here to be a mentor. To have people that were just strangers last week invest personal time in us, guys on death row, is beyond moving to me.
We had rec. and showers today as well so it was nice to finally get out of the cell for a good jog and some exercises and a shower after. It is now 10:00pm and I'm going to wind down, focus on positive thoughts for tomorrow and who knows, it could be a great day with answered prayers. Be kind...Be kind to others and to yourself.
Courage Strength Hope and Faith!
Peace!
August 4th, 2023
It's Friday night, almost 9pm, and we just finished Guardians Of The Galaxy 3 and it is by far the best one in that series. It had it all....humor, action, drama, a great plot, and excellent sound track. It even had me teary eyed at some points. It ended perfectly. Without spoiling I'll just say it was the perfect use of a Florence And The Machine song. I'm skipping the next two movies to jam my favorite music shows on The Tank. Right now they're playing disc three of The Cure's "Join The Dots" collection of B sides. 'This Twilight Garden' is playing...perfection! Brings back so many memories. When the cure released a single there was always a couple of versions or remixes of the single and then one or two B sides and those songs were as good or better than the singles, so I listened to them incessantly. I'll take this over a movie almost any day!
Today has been relatively peaceful compared to yesterday. There's still a bit of tension on the section but at least everyone wasn't at each others' throats. So, since I've lived on this section, when it comes to the television, it will be on movies unless it is something that everyone has seen over and over...which is pretty much what some of the stations do. If someone wants to watch something else all they have to do is announce it to the section and most everyone will say it's cool. On the week nights guys have certain shows they like to catch like Law and Order, Chicago Fire, and for the past month guys have gotten hooked on the reality series, Temptation Island. However, when it comes to Thursday nights on through the weekend it goes on the Tank's own movie channel for the prison. Thursdays are usually three episodes of a series and a movie. The excellent series, Justified, completed a couple of weeks ago and then they started the first season of Fear The Walking Dead, which was to finish tomorrow night and then next week they are going to start Yellowstone which a lot of us are looking forward to. After the three episodes the unit typically plays one movie and then it goes off for the night. Then Friday through Sunday it's nothing but movies all paid for and provided by inmates families or volunteers.
When this section was selected for Kairos, they moved a couple of individuals over here that really threw off the vibe and balance of the section. Three guys have started one fire after another and unless they drop out we are just stuck with them. It all came to a head yesterday when one of them demanded we watch a pre-season football game on Thursday night, then declared that when the season officially started, Sunday would be all day football. Now, we anticipated that there were guys that would want to watch the occasional game, before these guys moved over here. Everyone was cool with a compromise of half a day of football and the other half movies. If you don't want feelings hurt or problems to brew you've got to be mature and fair enough to bend a little. So, those of us into the Walking Dead said, “Look...these are the last three episodes of the season. It'll be off by 8pm...let us finish that, we'll sacrifice the movie and you can watch the game. It's a fair compromise for a game that doesn't even count and will only have 2nd and 3rd string players!” They refused to budge and then the guy in the day room, a real piece of work, has the tv intentionally put on Fox News knowing most of us hate that channel and that it would be stuck on it until the evening shift. All hell broke loose and everyone was at each others' throats... I was angry and down, not so much over missing the Walking Dead, it's trivial, and I try to not get attached to the tv because I have more important things to focus on. But it was the fact that these guys tried – no, not tried, just hogged the day because they knew most of the guys over here don't want conflict and are trying to do the classes available. Nothing yanks my chain more than a bully, but again what do you do? I'm not happy they won the day, but I think in time they'll either get kicked out of the classes or drop out. Field minister, Troop said the program has a way of revealing those that are serious and those that aren't. We shall see.
That afternoon I went to rec. pretty depressed and sick of this place, but I did pick my spirits back up when I figured out what could be a really good solution for the Sunday football vs. movies dilemma, not just for my section but all sections. As I was walking around it occurred to me that general population doesn't have to decide one or the other because they have two TVs in each day room. 12 building, where ad seg. and death row are housed only has one per day room. I know the inmate over the movies for The Tank because he used to work the building as a trustee before joining the chaplaincy. He's been really cool about playing the movie requests we send in and he likes me as a person. Why not ask him if he can get permission to replay the Sunday movies one day during the week? This would open up Sundays for all day foot ball and the movies that play on Sunday for general population can be replayed for those on 12 building during the week. It's a practical win win situation that keeps the peace! I ran it by a few guys around me and they loved the idea.
When I got back to my cell I wrote the letter and it went out this morning so hopefully he can get the idea green lighted. I guess I'll know something sometime next week. There's no more football on this weekend so it'll be non stop movies. I'm looking forward to the new Antman movie, The Fast X movie, The Green Mile, which I've wanted to see for years, the classic La Bamba, The Breakfest Club, and the horror movie Smile.
Surprisingly, we've had a shower everyday this week and two days of recreation which is an improvement on the past couple of months. Tomorrow should be our outside day so we'll see if they have enough staff or not to run rec. I think I'm going to call it a night and get to bed...
Courage Strength Hope and Faith
Peace
August 12th, 2023
I'll keep today's entry short and sweet...I love Taffy and I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have her encouragement, her love, and belief in me as a human being. I'd be a fool to take that for granted and my friends know how much I love her. It's a crying shame that there are some people with nothing better to do with their time than to start drama. I'd say it's comical that they will go to the extent they often do, but really it's sad and pathetic that in their own misery they will try to bring people down with them. Well, nice try anyways because Bambi and Taffy are strong. Really...try being kind.
Courage Strength Hope and Faith.
Peace.
August 26th, 2023
It's been a humdinger of a few days! My fan died and so I've spent the last few days miserable in the cell. I donated a fan to the indigent program not long ago and of course I didn't expect that the other fan I had would up and quit. So goes life, I suppose...haha.
Today they did make up recreation for last Tuesday. Apparently this new warden told the ranking supervisors and officers that there would be no more sitting around on their butts, and if they had the man power, both first and second shift will be doing recreation. Now, I know this place and everything is cyclical. Guards quit on a regular basis so I don't expect this to last very long, realistically... but it is a nice start for a change. Being trapped in a cell all day sucks.
So here is the latest Polunsky unit controversy. On Friday and for most of Saturday the movie channel was out. Typically the unit movies begin Thursday night from 6-10pm. Currently they are streaming the series Yellowstone which is excellent. Then it runs movies from Friday evening onto and through the weekend. But this Friday and most of Saturday it was off and no one knew why. When it did come back on Saturday afternoon some of the movie line up had changed slightly and Field Minister Troop said that on Friday the warden shut it off because apparently someone from death row had a person on the outside send an email complaining about the movies that had too much violence or nudity. So, the warden received word from the Director that from now on all movies shown have to be pre-approved by the warden before the weekend. So he went through the weekend line up, reviewed what was being played and they had to re program the channel with a different line up. I was relieved that they allowed The Hateful Eight because I've wanted to see that Tarantino movie for years!!! I still have a few more of his movies to see to be caught up in the 21st century. The Hateful Eight was the last movie of the night. I loved it! Funny, smart, and the dialogue was brilliant. We shall see what comes on today. So far it seems to be holding to the original schedule closing out with the epic Troy this evening. My thing is this: You will never satisfy everyone and if you are offended by a nipple or too much violence no one is forcing you to watch it. Walk away from the door and come back to watch a movie more suitable for your values. Don't try to blow the whole movie program up for everyone just because you aren't happy. I don't like everything that comes on and if it's bad, I go do something else for two hours. It really is that easy.
Otherwise I've gotten through the weeks and bided my time as positively as possible as I'm STILL waiting on the CCA to rule. It's been nine months and for something that is straightforward and the state feels I deserve a new trial, you would think it wouldn't take so long. I'm just praying that it comes in the next week or few. If I could have a birthday wish it would be for a favorable ruling before the fall. Tomorrow will mark the one year anniversary since my hearings began. Maybe it's a positive sign. My friend, Ivan, was turned down on his appeal and it sucks because I do believe he's innocent. I don't believe everyone who tells me they're innocent, but if you take the time to listen to Ivan's podcast, Cousins By Blood you can't but agree that there's a lot of shenanigans afoot in his case and there's a lot of stuff there that supports his innocence.
Not much else is going on. I'm waiting for my next class to start on September 13th, my birthday, just so I have something to keep my brain fired up and healthy.
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace.
September 21st, 2023
Sorry I've slacked on this again...this place sucks so badly, and as I wait on the court to decide my fate I find myself going mentally blank at times and not having much to write about. Now we are on a month plus long security lock down due to an influx of drugs and murders across the prison system. Everything is a hot mess and you'd think the officials could get it all sorted out but this is what it is....Still, I'm going to try to start a routine of some sort.
We were told last night that we were going to store on the 28th but we don't know if it'll be for a stamp and hygiene. Now, yesterday the death row warden said he might allow a limited regular commissary spend. That would be nice being that these sack meals are so paltry. The other piece of lock down news, and it seems to be fairly solid, is that we won't be off of the lock down until October 10th!!! Insanity! I guess even if the courts rule favorably in the coming weeks or so I'll be stuck here until mid October now...assuming that happens. It is already starting to push into November so now I'm just hoping I'm in Dallas before the new year.
So, yesterday they FINALLY removed the stupid self harm tag from my door that had been. placed there last year as part of a new mental health program to prevent suicides. A computer program, not a psychologist, weighs different factors like sentence, age, religion - yes, it actually considers a person's faith as a self harm risk factor! Anyone that racks up over 11 points gets a self harm tag. I had 11 points because I was 45. I turned 46 last week and went to 10 points so a lady came through yesterday and no longer deemed me a danger to myself... All based on a stupid computer program based on pseudo science and pseudo psychology.
They said on the tank that the next store will only be writing supplies and hygiene. No food until after the lock down which really sucks. That means it'll have been a month and a half without food by the time the lock down is over. Sheesh! The section is watching some movies on TNT right now but I'm sitting them out. If we can get USA on tonight I'll probably watch John Wick but that is all the tv I'm doing today. I'm kind of burned out on the same old stuff on tv. I've barely been watching any thing unless I've not seen it, though there is always an exception for the classics such as a Star Wars movie or Back To The Future. Those never get old! haha I'm ready for fall and cooler weather. It's been so miserably hot this past summer, even in these cells with tempered air, it was hot. We are still in the 90's here in Livingston, but things might begin to get cooler starting next week. I was telling my Taffy that this year I want to skip fall and go straight into winter.
One of my closest friends back here has an execution date scheduled for next month and while I hope for a stay, I'm dreading it. It'll really hurt me. I've some of my best memories of this place, times where I could just be goofy and laugh with that dude inspite of this place and I might share some of those moments in future entries.
Well, again, I'll try to get back into writing regularly...
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith
Peace.
September 27th, 2023
I thought I'd do something a little different today and chronicle the day as I wait on news from the court. My Wednesday routine is typically planned around checking the legal app Lexis Nexis on my tablet. They post up to the minute court rulings from the State, Federal and Supreme Court.
We've been on a lock down now for three weeks and it's expected to carry on for another two weeks! Its quite ridiculous and the meals are always bare minimum, so I feel like I'm losing weight every day, especially since I'm carrying on with my morning exercises. I did a fast for Yom Kippur and having already been hungry, it didn't feel like I was that hungry for the fast. That is because I am hungry every day. Haha. Guys are starting to get irritated and HANGRY because our food has been so paltry. Well, I will get the day started and we shall see what happens throughout the day. I'll write this throughout as I check on the news.
It's past ten in the morning now now and I expect that the CCA will start dropping rulings close to 11 or so. I'm nervous, but a part of me is equally excited. Then, another part is dreading to wait another week. I just want to know what is going to happen good or bad. My investigator visited last week and he said it wasn't unusual for the CCA to drag their feet when they face a situation in which they have to rule in an inmate's favor and for me to not get too worked up about it. Easier said than done, of course.
It's almost noon and I started to look at the legal app and nothing was there for my ruling, but a bunch of other rulings dropped and the only death row case was a guy named Arelis Escobar...they denied him a second time after the Supreme Court had told them to look at his case again because the state admitted that a forensic expert gave false testimony...and they still denied it! It took them just over 9 months to rule on his so I really don't know what the hold up is with mine, now getting close to 10 months. It's really frustrating! Somehow I've just got to keep being patient and hopeful.
In other news they have let the Field Ministers back out and come talk to guys. My friend, Troop, said he won't be showing any movies because for now they are letting a guy with an execution date in two weeks watch some movies until he starts having his last visits with his family. It's cool that they allow that. Things certainly improved for those guys with dates since I had my execution date. We were treated really badly during that period. Such a weird time it was.
And this has been my day. As I wrap this up they're passing out the dinner sack meals and so I'll have that and wait for the movie "We're The Millers " to come on the section tv. I've never seen it so I hope it's funny.
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith
Peace.
October 1st, 2023
Fact: Texas' Death Row is one of the, if not the most, well behaved group of people through the Texas prison system. Need proof? For the past month the Texas penal system has been going through an intensive and extensive lock down to search for drugs and contraband. They have also been administering urine tests to each inmate and while throughout the Polunsky Unit inmates have tested positive for drug use, NOT ONE SINGLE DEATH ROW INMATE tested positive nor was any contraband discovered in our shake down last week.
I say all of this to make a point...Why then, do death row inmates have the least privileges and access to content on their tablet such as the media app and podcast app, than anyone else in the state of Texas? Why is it that an inmate with a capital life sentence in general population can have a job, watch movies, listen to music, or play video games, and can get a discipline case for drugs, do 90 days of punishment, and then have all of his privileges reinstated...while a death row inmate who gets in no trouble at all has to continually live as if he is being punished for nothing more than his death sentence? I think these are fair questions to ask the people who run the Texas prison system and I hope there are people out there that will ask these questions.
So, on Thursday, the pod I live on - B pod - was urine tested for drugs. They told us to drink lots of water and then two officers came to the door and told us to strip out of our clothes to make sure that we wouldn't try to cheat the test. I was handed a cup and told to pee in it...but what was odd about the whole thing was one of the officers wanted to hold a conversation with me as I was trying to pee...Talk about a strange feeling. I was thinking in my head, “Dude is just talking to me like I'm not standing in front of him with my junk out trying to pee...this is so nuts!” haha.
Once the pod was tested and cleared, Friday came and they shook the entire pod down. I was put outside which was nice because I haven't had fresh air in a month and the sunshine was lovely. After about an hour I came back to my cell and everything was treated respectfully. Nothing was torn up, taken or strewn around the cell. I put my cell back in order and then cleaned my cell up and spent the evening watching the movie The Black Panther on the section tv. Saturday we watched the movie Selena which was so tragic and the movie Shawshank Redemption, one of the greatest movies of all time, in my opinion. We were all talking about how accurate it not just portrays life in prison, but how it got all of the different personalities right because over these many years I've met people just like some of the characters in the movie. It really is a perfect movie.
From what we are hearing we have another week or so of this lock down and then things will go back to normal. I know that will be a nice distraction for the guys that are dreading the return of the Supreme Court tomorrow because many men are at the end of their appeals. It's a blessing to many that counties for the most part just aren't scheduling execution dates because some have had appeals over and done with for years and nothing has happened. I think if the state willed it to be, death row in Texas could be down to less than a pod. I mean right now I have a couple of my closest friends on death watch so...starting tomorrow things could get scary for many others. Still, I intend to go into the week hopeful and positive not just for myself but for the men around me. We shall see what happens.
I just can't believe it's October already...
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace.
October 14th, 2023
As I begin this it's Saturday morning and the place is so quiet and peaceful with the lights still out so I don't know that we will get recreation or not. I think the building is short staffed. I'd like to go outside and jog or play some ball but if we are stuck in our cell at least the movie channel is on and we have that back. Yesterday we watched five episodes of the series Yellowstone. I think we are on the third season. That show is so good. Maybe one of my favorites of all time. I'd have to say it would go Lost, Justified and now Yellowstone. After those ended the movie Split came on. It's a thriller about a man with multiple personalities that kidnaps people to feed one of his personalities called The Beast...pretty weird. There was a twist at the end but no spoilers here!
We have no idea what is on today starting at 8am. Yesterday the field minister,Troop, came by and said they are going to do a new pilot program concerning death row and rec. They've selected 14 people to move together onto the same section and try what is called "Group Recreation"where they can all leave their cells at the same time and go back and forth to their cells from rec. at their leisure. BUT those selected have to pass a security approval first and he said someone like myself with the escape on my record wouldn't pass that approval. So, I won't be able to participate in this new program, sadly. Sins from almost 24 years ago still haunt me. They've already picked the people and will move them in the coming weeks. We shall see how it works out. Surprisingly, Troop said many guys have said they don't want to be selected.
The movie I still Believe is starting. It's a depressing movie! I've seen it a couple of times and I cry every time.
It looks so lovely outside and was only going to be in the 70s for a high so I know it would have felt amazing if we could have gotten outside! It will be in the 50s tonight.
Lunch time...now. the food has gotten worse since the lock down! All it was was carrots, watery beans and some kind of weird broth with about a spoon of what looked like shredded chicken guts in it. It was utterly disgusting! You wouldn't even give this stuff to a dog.
It's 11:29am now and the next movie is Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grimwald and part of the Harry Potter franchise. I like Harry Potter but this is a really long winded and boring movie that hasn't impressed me so I'm sitting it out. I hope the next movie is better.
1pm and the next movie up is a drama called Antoine Fisher with Denzel Washington. I might watch that and see if it is any good.
Well, it later in the day now and I talked to a new life coach from the Hughes Unit. Dude looked like he was in his twenties and said he was 42 years old! He seemed cool and we talked about how I wanted to be a life coach. There is another new life coach here that used to be on death row. I knew this guy when I was 25 years old and we even played basket ball together. It goes to show that jurors can truly get it wrong with the whole ' Future threat of dangerousness' they are required to answer yes to to send someone to death row.... Everyone is capable of change and yet the state continually lies to its citizens by saying we are incapable of change. I mean just look at this last execution of Jedidiah Murphy...important people from all over the world were speaking out for him. The head TDCJ chaplain offered him a field minister job and he was denied clemency and the Supreme Court vacated his stay on a technical issue. It's crazy that a person can be executed over an interpretation of a law or precedent.
Well, now, I'm going to chill for the rest of the day.
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace.
November 8th, 2023
I really can't believe that it's another month and time is flying by so fast. I continue to slack with these journals and it isn't that my heart isn't in it, it's just that I have my mind on a thousand other things and can't seem to commit them to an entry.
Right now I'm really upset that someone who is involved in death penalty issues and death row rights has somehow managed to threaten the progressive radio station and had my friend, and ex death row inmate, Clinton Young, removed from being a voice on the Execution Watch show that is broadcast during executions. This person made up a complete lie perpetuated by haters who hate that he won his freedom and this is again one of multiple times that this so called anti death penalty activist has in turn hurt men on death row. We all know who this person is and we have zero respect for them and do not want their support or voice acting as an expert on all things death row related. It really has my ire and it's taking a considerable amount of restraint not to out them. As the old Jewish adage goes - 'It's better to be kind than right'.
Well, it's another week and CCA day so I'm saying my prayers and keeping positive regardless of the wait and whether or not the ruling comes today...It will come and hopefully soon. Now that the election cycle is over maybe something will happen quickly now, not that it probably makes much of a difference. I'll say this...if they were to rule against me right now in this anti Jewish climate it would make them look really, really bad and so I do wonder if they will also consider that moving forward.
I don't know what's going on with today's rec. The guards seem to be dragging their feet so it looks like it will be a long day with not much of anything being done. I do have a class today at one...which speaking of, I was getting know one of the new Field Ministers, an inmate named Gary and I really like him. He's been locked up since he was 18, made a lot of the same mistakes I did at a young age but wanted to be a better person...He is serving a life sentence and about ten years ago became a Christian and decided he wanted to help young people coming into prison not make the same mistakes he made. We have a lot in common. I like that he is smart and humble as well. We talked for a while about our mission/ goals. Of course, his is from a Christian perspective but we definitely found common ground in our goals. Several guys have already dropped out of the class I'm taking as I predicted they would...he told me he told another field minister that he wants to restructure the classes and move some people over here that are serious about the work, but we also talked about the idea of using this section and classes where I currently live, to get these other men on B pod more privileges as well. Right now the spot light is always on the faith pod A pod, and he wants to restructure our section on B pod so that we get a bit of much deserved credit and attention. I like his vision. He said that with me doing this now, and should I get a new trial, we can then use this idea and myself to hopefully benefit men in ad seg. That is where I've been focusing a lot of visualising towards...changing Ad Seg. Even right now I'm trying to get the life coaches some equipment so the Ad Seg men can take classes and maybe watch a movie if their behavior is good. It has me hopeful.
Wow....they're shutting everything down for a shelter in place warning due to a chemical plant explosion. They just turned off our ventilation system as a precaution and locked down the entire unit. It looks like it's going to be another week without a ruling as I can find nothing on my case yet. Here's to hoping on next week.
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace.
November 11th, 2023
Happy Veterans Day. It's a cold, wet and grey Saturday and I felt like doing a journal today and skipping a movie or two. The first movie of the day was The Maze Runner and now part two is on. I enjoyed reading the books years ago, but the movies are so so...A lot of these movies based on young adult fiction or sci fi movies all have the same look to them. Its difficult to distinguish movies like the Hunger Games, Divergence, or the Maze Runner...not that the novels are much different either! haha. Last night I watched Black Hawk Down which was just brutal, but a fantastic movie.
Yesterday I had a legal visit and was able to get out of my cell for an hour. What was funny about it though, is another inmate came back earlier from his legal visit and he had this spring in his step. As the guards escorted him back to his section he yelled out for everyone to hear, "They got microwaves out there now and are selling pizza!" Now, this guy isn't the most reliable source for information and I told my neighbor I was sceptical about that. I mean...really...microwaves and pizza? My neighbor's response had the entire section laughing when he said, "I know a fat dude's body language. He was literally bouncing on his toes with excitement. He's telling the truth!" We all started to laugh because the guy was literally springing on his toes. So, I went out there at about 4pm and one of my attorneys asked if I wanted some pizza and I was like..uh, heck yeah! He got me an individual small deep dish pizza, a salad, and some chips. The pizza was heavenly! Now, before anyone gets all twisted up that they sell pizza to prisoners...these proceeds go to a charity to help people with various disorders and a blind charity...so, it's giving back to the community. The visit was more or less a courtesy visit to say hello because there is still no news on my case. We're still waiting on the courts.
Today a church group passed out cookies to the entire prison which was a nice treat. Field Ministers Gary and Troop helped and said they had some good news for my section but were in a hurry and would come back to share it with us later. I'm curious as to what it is! I also found out that Field Minister Terry Solley made parole and he said he'd come and visit me in Dallas should I receive a new trial. He's going to be a free world minister and already has a church that has hired him and he'll becoming back INTO PRISON here as a free world volunteer which I think is amazing and commendable...spend half your life as a prisoner, earn your freedom, and then come back to help the guys you've left behind. Talk about sacrifice. It's amazing to see so much change for the better in prison. Are there things that absolutely suck? Yes. Do I expect a country club? No...prison should carry some punishment and losing our freedom is a part of that punishment for the people we've hurt. But to see a culture change... To finally invest in the prisoner instead of just treating them like animals or humiliating them...knowing that most of these guys will eventually return to society and become your neighbors...It's working! Many guys are living productive and better lives. It's slow going work, but changes are working. Now if only politicians would see the benefit in investing in poor communities or crime ridden areas and contribute to a nation wide culture change. That is how you solve the crime problems. Give value to their lives and they will see the value in themselves. I do think that is the key to easing crime and recidivism.
I'm hoping the new week will be one of positivity and good news. I just can't believe the month is flying by so fast! And finally I heard that my friend Clinton got his spot back on the Execution Watch show which is good news!
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace.
November 25th, 2023
Another Thanksgiving on death row and a special time of the year to reflect on the things I'm grateful for like the air I breathe, my Taffy, and friends. I am trying to move forward with a better sense of gratitude and positivity in spite of the sometimes difficult moments in this place. Even in the darkest of places, I am blessed with the things that matter the most and that is all that matters. People build their own prisons around themselves and true freedom comes from within... Gotta be more mindful of that at times.
Thanksgiving was good though, and we had Turkey, mashed potatoes, green bean salad, cranberry sauce, coleslaw, and other food...With the holidays I've been staying up late for movies but sleeping in late and sleeping pretty good because it has been so cold. Although I have had some very weird and scary dreams because I have watched some horror movies and just watched Saw X last night before I went to sleep...it was so gruesome that I had had enough of scary movies for the night and skipped the last two that were scheduled...I just wanted to see what the Saw hype was all about with those movies and...whew....definitely not for the squeamish or light hearted. Today I skipped the first movie of the day to clean my cell, catch up on homework that is due on Monday morning and along with other duties...The holiday set me back a bit but that is to be expected.
On Saturday field minister Troop stopped by to show us two movies. He's doing two sections a day on the big screens as a holiday treat. We watched two action movies : The Mother and Plane. While he was showing the other section the movies he came back to chat and so I asked him what was planned for the program restructuring for the classes I'm taking and he said this week he plans on talking to the Major about who is remaining in the program and who has quit because many have as I expected. Those who quit will be moved off of the section and they will bring new people in and reboot the program beginning the first week of January. The class I'm taking right now will continue until I leave or finish so that will be good as I don't have to start all over. I'm ten weeks in, you know? And if I'm still to be here...which I obviously hope I'm not, there is still another 16 weeks of classes...He also told me about the group recreation program for those that have qualified and that will be on A section. I can't participate in that because of my escape 23 years ago which hurts as it has been so long and I'm not that young foolish barely adult any longer... but it is what it is..So, the goal is to make the side of B pod that I live on about those who want to better themselves and have it be more positive and goal driven. The new field minister, Gary, will be over most of the programming and teaching which is cool because I really like this guy. He is really focused and wants to make changes to the prison culture...one of my goals as well. He along with the life coaches will be a great addition to the growing changes. It's cool to be a part of though. Should I get another chance at life I definitely want to carry this forward.
I just paused to catch a few movies...I just watched a wild action movie called Kate and a drama thriller called I Care A Lot which was excellent. I can't believe another Thanksgiving holiday has come to pass...time is going by so fast and of course, I hope in the coming weeks I'll have a positive ruling for a new trial. In a couple of weeks it will be exactly one year since the recommendation for a new trial. We shall see what happens... Happy Thanksgiving!
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace.
December 19th, 2023
It's looking like it will be another day of no recreation or showers. It'll probably be like this until after the holidays are over. There was a brief bit of hope for a second as the floor officer began to schedule the recreations but nothing transpired since then. All you can do is shrug your shoulders and carry on with the day. Okay...scratch that...they have training officers to start rec. and showers!!!
So, there's a prison newspaper produced by inmates throughout Texas called The Echo which has gone to a digital format on our tablets and I was reading it yesterday. One of the articles was an interview with the TDCJ Executive Director, Brian Collier. To his credit he has implemented a lot of innovative programs and ideas that have transformed Texas prisons. They are starting a new incentive program based on European prison models that turn prison pods into dorm like settings with game tables, huge TVs, real chairs etc...and for the trouble makers that are designated G4 or G5 they will also implement an incentive program for them starting with 65-85 inch televisions, a pop corn machine and rumors of a playstation video game system (!) if they behave. It created quite the fury back here amongst some of the guys on death row because we are probably one of the most well behaved inmate populations in Texas and we receive zero incentive or 'reward' for that good behavior. In fact, it's quite the opposite, especially concerning the tablets, because unlike every other inmate classification other than AD-SEG, Death row has no games, movies, or music on their tablet. We can't even have the news app or free podcasts...Forget a play station - they even blocked us from having the free tic tac toe and Sudoku games that are pre-loaded on the tablet! In the article Executive Director Collier encouraged inmates to write him with suggestions and so we are talking about a letter campaign amongst us and also seeing if we can start an email campaign from outside to push for more available content on the tablets, or even an in-cell tv...As of now the tv we watch only reaches inmates with cells in the line of sight to the tv. Many on each section cannot see the tv and others with poor health or eyesight can't stand at the door for long periods of time. Also,with the lack of recreation, some other form of stimuli needs to be available - the simple solution is either access to the media app or an in-cell tv.
So, hopefully we can get these letters and emails out. My on-going argument for the podcasts is there is a plethora of available Christian content on the tablets. But nothing for other faiths which the podcast app has...When I was in Dallas I could listen to various Jewish podcasts and services available. We shall see what happens.
Last Friday we did have a pizza party for all of death row that the church called Bikers For Christ provided. That was nice of them. Everyone received a large Dominos pizza. This is the second time in the past year we've had real pizza. I do Its A Wonderful Life every year. Before the era of the television and tablets I would listen to it on my radio and made a tradition of it and yes, there are a lot of Jewish themes in the movie so I never viewed it as solely Christian or Christmas...for me it was inspirational because even at our lowest in life, when we believe we have no value, our lives affect others in ways we can't always see and I chose to try to live a life that affected others in positive ways to atone for my past mistakes. I'm looking forward to it again this year as Taffy and I do it together as a family tradition each year – this will be our 7th!
Well, we shall see what tomorrow brings. Happy Holidays and blessings to everyone!
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace.
December 24th, 2023
I woke up at 7am this morning after going to bed at 11pm last night. I was watching The Matrix Resurrection and was quite excited to finally be able to see that movie as I loved the original trilogy but the reboot was so dull and unoriginal. It was awful. So, I decided to get some sleep. Now, the movie before it was excellent and I highly recommend it...an indie movie called Desperation Road. Three seemingly different events in people's lives put them on a collision course. The story was very heavy and emotional but the acting was excellent. It's still sitting in my brain.
Well, it's Christmas Eve and as you know a difficult time for me because of what is attached to it...In a way I'm glad the courts didn't make a ruling in the past couple of weeks coming on 23 years since that awful night. It would have probably unleashed a fury of pain and hate towards me...which I would understand. But this holiday in particular I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness. When we had the pizza party over a week ago one of the guests was a minister named Kevin Rambsy. I knew his story from before by watching his videos on our Pando app...It's called Stabbed 37x and he talks about how a man broke into his home and stabbed him over and over until he almost died. Miraculously he didn't and he has built a ministry around not only forgiving his attacker, but guiding victims of other crimes into forgiveness so that they aren't controlled by the event or their victimizer. It's really powerful stuff, and I wish more people could learn to forgive. It's always difficult for me to carry the weight of feeling unforgiven either by my own family or the Police Officer's family, or my initial crime that put me in prison. I can say and tell others that I know my heart, but what good is that if they refuse to look at my heart? It's tough... But it doesn't make me want to give up or continue on this path I am on. I'm not perfect and wouldn't even try to pretend I am, but I do want to truly live a life in service to others and I've done and continue to do all that I can to pave that path...How else do I give back?
I was talking to a life coach the other day and he said the meal for tomorrow should be really good so everyone back here is looking forward to that. Because of staff shortages, it's been sack meals for lunch and dinner yesterday and will probably be the same for today. Taffy and I will be doing It's a Wonderful Life together this afternoon. They posted the movie on the Pando app, along with three other movies for the holidays - 8 Bit Christmas which was pretty funny, as well as the remake of the Bishop's Wife, called The Preacher's Wife with Denzel Washington playing an angel... Anyways, I started the tradition of watching It's a Wonderful Life in my first year of being on Death Row many years ago and it resonated with me and stuck. Having someone to share it with makes it all the better.
It feels a bit weird that this is the last week of the year. It went by in such a breeze, but as a friend told me recently, that's what old people say! Time really flies. Ha ha. I guess that makes me officially old. Who would've thought it?
Field Minister Troop just stopped by and said that tomorrow he might try to give us a movie on the big screens which would be cool and a nice Christmas treat. Well, I guess I'll go back to reflecting on life as I do each year around this time. Keep peace in your hearts...
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith
Peace
December 26th, 2023
It's the day after Christmas and unusually quiet in this place. We expected staff shortages and no rec. or showers but it still never quite sits right with us that we have to go four or five days without a shower...I take a daily bath in my sink and it suffices. I can't speak for everyone else but the stink in the air tells me someone ain't hitting the water!
My morning started with some prayers and a message to Taffy and then I listened to an Interpol album on the prison radio station which is always a nice way to start the day. The day before Field Minister Troop said he might come with a movie on the big screens and true to his word he came rolling in a little after seven in the morning. He had Gary along side of him and as he set the equipment up I talked to Gary a bit. His wife runs a ministry for prisoners and their families which is cool, and their website is www.death2lifeprisonministries.org, and I recommend checking that out.
When the equipment was set up for the section we watched two new movies: Blue Beetle, which was surprisingly good and an amazing movie based on a true story called Gran Turismo...Let me tell you, watching that movie on the big HiFi screens was like being right in the race car. The movie is based on a true story and done just right. Shortly after the movies our meal came and we had chicken, brisket, buttered potatoes, green bean salad, Coleslaw, beans, celery sticks, olives and a big giant biscuit. Our desert tray was several slices of cake and a piece of pumpkin pie.
The rest of the day my section watched movies on the section tv in the day room and a football game at night. It's back on movies for the day today. I'm most looking forward to the new scifi epic called the Creator.
So, today when I woke up and started my morning I wanted to get my head back into a good space. I've felt weighted by a lot of things like the long wait on the CCA, some surprising anti Semitism from people around me, and in the anti death penalty movement, and just the general conditions of this place. But I believe that life is what we make it and with a little bit of positivity and proactive work, myself and a few others feel we can hopefully make things a bit better back here...But we really need the help of people who care about these things out there. When it comes to us on death row it makes little sense to us that we are treated so differently than inmates NOT on death row. When your inmate field ministers - some of whom are serving capital life sentences - have the proverbial keys to the castle because either their county decided not to seek death or it came down to just a jury deciding to spare their life...when there are people in general population who might have commuted far more heinous or habitual crimes and they have jobs, full and complete access to their tablets, contact visits and a 20 person call list...all we want to know and hope is that people who care on the outside can call or email people in administrative positions, or people of influence, and ask why?...Why all of the arbitrary restrictions especially when death row IS the most well behaved inmate population in Texas? That's just a simple fact. Why the boot on the neck? If TDCJ has been creating incentive programs for the worst behaved inmates throughout the system, where is the incentive for the most well behaved? Why should a death sentence be a part of the equation? If you are someone who cares, please start asking these questions.
So, that's one of my goals for 2024. Some will ask why do I care if I might get off of death row? I care because it makes zero sense to me that a capital life sentence has myriad privileges and a capital death sentence doesn't. If the punishment is death or a capital life sentence why then make such arbitrary distinctions? But that's my opinion, I suppose.
And those are my thoughts for today.
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith
Peace.
December 27th, 2023
Whew...today was a crazy exhausting day. Not bad, just a bit chaotic. I woke up at 5:45am, got out of bed and exercised early, fully expecting staff shortages because of the holidays, but then after 8am a guard came through setting up recreation and told me I'd be fourth round. Well, as late as it was, I knew the odds were against me to get to rec. so I tried a new strategy to lower my frustration and the stress of worrying if I would or wouldn't make it to rec. I asked to go to the shower but to leave my recreation slot open just in case I would make it...Around third round, surprisingly, a slot came open and I made it...but only for an hour when the guards were told to shut everything down. No more recs, no more showers...So, had I waited all day without that proactive move for an early shower it would be day five without one for me. Confusing? Yeah...I'm just happy to have had both and I think I'll start doing that from here on out. It only took me 21 years to figure that one out! Ha ha.
I was talking to a guy who was down in the dumps because he has an intellectual disability and is trying to get a life sentence under what is known as the Bobby Moore standard, ruled on by the supreme court in favor of a guy who used to be on Texas Death row. The standard is basically that anyone who scores under 70 on their IQ is ineligible for death, and should receive a life sentence. So, the guy recently went to a hearing and argued he was intellectually disabled based on his testing, but his judge used an old test from the 1990s that had him above the 70 mark and his judge ruled against him and now he is worried that the court of criminal appeals will side with the Judge, which is probably true. I tried to lift his hopes up by explaining that the same thing happened to Bobby Moore and the Supreme Court wouldn't let it fly, and to not give up and hang in there. I don't know if that helped as he pretty much believed he was a goner. It's hard to see guys give up.
And now the day is winding down and I'm kicking back. I'll probably listen to some music and be in bed early tonight. Gotta keep energy strong for the holiday movie marathon this weekend!
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace
December 28th, 2023
I do a lot of reflecting this time of year because it marks the time when everything went wrong 23 years ago...so there is atonement and thinking of ways to give back by being of service to others, but also trying to change prison culture so that a young person in prison doesn't feel as hopeless as I once did.
So, as I was thinking this past week I had a few thoughts/ ideas that people might explore. As some might know, the only distinction between a capital life and capital death sentence is the sentence itself...yet, for whatever reason the administration and certain pro death proponents and politicians have continually treated death row prisoners with disdain and restrictions. Never mind that Texas Death Row is factually the most well behaved group of inmates in the TDCJ system. TDCJ has created incentive programs for the worst behaved inmates to promote good behavior, but for death row who is already well behaved zero incentive exists. We are limited in the people we can call, the content on the tablet, recreation etc...A G5 classified inmate - which houses true knuckle heads - can qualify for a video visit, but death row can't. It's time to start asking people in charge WHY? Why such heavy handed restrictions when we ARE well behaved? I don't know how it works from state to state but in Texas, death row prisoners belong to the county. They are turned over to TDCJ until the time of their execution date, but the bills: food, medical, housing, etc. goes to the county of the condemned. This begs a question that may require a financial audit. How much is the state billing the counties per inmate? It might be worth asking county commissioners this question. Another thing to ask them is if they are aware of the restrictions within TDCJ towards a person with a death sentence. Especially within the more progressive larger counties. If a person goes back to Harris County for a hearing they get a tv in their cell, can go to rec. every day, can make unlimited calls to whoever accepts the calls. Other counties have the same as well and some even offer unlimited access to content on their tablets...but as soon as they return to TDCJ after their hearing or trial, they lose it all. Are counties aware of this and do they have a say in HOW a death row prisoner is treated? If they are paying the bills, shouldn't they? Why does that suddenly change within TDCJ on death row? Furthermore, why does a person serving capital life through their good behavior have full privileges, but a capital death doesn't? Why treat one group of people with the same crime - sometimes even far worse or heinous - different than us? It makes zero sense in the mind of a person on death row. Even the women on death row have full access on their tablets and a jury has deemed them just as unredeemable as a man with a death sentence. Why the disparity? Ask questions!
Anyways, the day was actually good today. I went to rec. before 7am got a good exercise in, went straight to the shower after, and then unwound for the rest of the day as we wait for the unit channel to start the first five episodes of the series Vikings. I hope it's good. We go back into holiday mode tomorrow and the day begins with the movie Avarice, an Aussie movie, followed by eight episodes of the series Wednesday which is surprisingly good. Jenna Ortega plays a really good Wednesday Adams. I grew up with Christina Ricci in that role and I think Jenna Ortega does it much better.
Well, here's to a very happy new year and blessings to all. Thank you so much for the years spent following my life and I'm really hoping to have many more years, G-d willing...Here's to 2024.
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith
Peace
December 31st, 2023
I pray that all who read this will be blessed in this soon to be new year of 2024. I have a very good feeling it's going to be a good year no matter how insane the political climate is, no matter how crazy the world may seem right now. Don't allow it to grip you in fear or poison your heart...don't give darkness that control over you. Go into the new year in love and light and make people wonder what you're smiling about. That smile just might be infectious and turn someone's bad day into a good one.
I don't know how much longer the CCA is going to make me wait before its ruling, but as I told Taffy, while the wait has been frustrating at times, all it has done is allowed me the time to rack up accomplishments and set me up for a promising future in service to others. I wouldn't have achieved two certificates in the self improvement classes, Voyager, and I wouldn't have been able to do Kairos or join the new set of classes in the program I'm in. Even if a ruling comes before I complete it, I can still show I didn't waste my time and I did something both constructive and positive with my life while on death row WITHOUT the guarantee I'd even survive this place, which is still seemingly undecided. I'll continue to do what I can to learn and grow.
It's been a peaceful weekend and I've watched a few movies...one I highly recommend is in Spanish with English subtitles that was so funny and full of heart. It's called "Instructions Not Included "...The story centers around a very immature womanizer whose world is suddenly turned upside down when one of his one night stands shows up with a baby and says he must raise her because she can't... Which he does in unconventional ways that are hilarious. And even when most would accuse him of being irresponsible, it's abundantly clear he falls in love with the girl and wants what is best for her. There's a bit of a twist towards the end as well. I didn't think I'd be able to follow the movie very well because its difficult reading subtitles from my cell, but I was pulled in and loved it. I want to say I think the Mexican actor has won some foreign film awards before because he looked familiar. So, that comes Randy approved and that is better than two thumbs up.
I'm planning an epic journal for new years day, writing it by hand which is something I've not done in ages. I'm just going to write whatever is on my heart in the moment and see what comes of it. So, you've been warned whenever a January 1st 2024 entry pops up. I'll send it snail mail to be posted which might take some time, but it will come.
Hmmm. What else? I think I'll share a few of my often random thoughts to close out the year : Is it a bit ironic that you can tease me for liking musicals like The Wizard Of Oz saying it is some " Gay ass shit ,dude " and then see a commercial for the new Barbie movie and in complete seriousness say " I bet that's a good movie. " ? Why is no one pouring into the streets protesting Russia's indiscriminate bombings on civilians and its illegal occupation of Ukraine's Crimean territory? Who are these people in the world that roll out of bed and start their days with Fox and Friends? Why after so many years later do I occasionally hear the same person sing " Let It Go " from Frozen?( I hope he never stops ) What would I do for a Klondike bar? I don't think I have ever actually had a Klondike bar...I've had a choco taco ( may it rest in peace ) made by Klondike so I really don't know how far I'd go to have one. Yes, these are real random thoughts that I have! Okay...I'm done being goofy for the night! Here's to hoping that 2024 is a good one for everyone.
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace