February 9th, 2025
It's a quiet Sunday morning as I write this and I'm still sitting in a cell on a death row pod waiting to return to Dallas for a new trial. The only bad thing about that is we've been on lock down since the beginning of the new year and haven't left our cells for almost six weeks now. Very few showers and no recreation at all. The only times I've left my cell is for legal calls and a legal visit.
When it seemed like I wasn't going back to Dallas any time soon I went ahead and signed up for the next classes offered but because of this lock down (due to several murders and overdoses in general population) classes can't even start until the lock down is over. The only thing that makes it okay is that I'm around some good guys and our section has two huge big screen TVs so we watch movies and other shows and we play Jeopardy during the week days, which has been a miserable experience for most of the guys around me because in a month in a half I've only lost once. It's gotten so ridiculous that one of the guys joked, "I'll be glad when you leave!" 25 years sitting in solitary confinement and doing nothing but reading books and magazines has filled my brain with a treasure trove of useless information!
Anyways, I had written something after I got the ruling from the CCA but for whatever reason it was censored by the prison and never made it out but I basically said that while grateful for the possibility of a next chapter of life, I'm mindful of the pain of this all for others and it doesn't mean I'm celebrating or not taking this situation seriously. I'm very mindful of what I face moving ahead and the challenges I face while also being sorrowfully aware that others will be painfully dragged through this process as well. And as I tell the guys around me, there is no guarantee that I won't find myself right back on death row should there be another trial. All I can do right now is try to keep focused and prepare myself spiritually and mentally for wherever these next steps take me. There's a lot on my mind these days and a lot of anxiety, but I have to try and take one day at a time. My goals in life remain the same as they always have for the past few years no matter my circumstances in life and that is to live a life in service to others. I hope I get the chance to fulfill that.
I'll do updates in Dallas but I think I'm going to spend most of my time working on Book Two of my planned memoir trilogy. I'm going to title it 'Away From The Sun' following my first published memoir, 'Falling Down' . Book Two will focus on my first years in prison and the events that followed leading up to being sent to death row. Then, once all of my legal stuff is finalised, I will write book three which I still have no title for. That will focus on being on death row,finding purpose, and wherever life takes me post death row. I'll also throw myself more into journal writing as I share my next chapter of life, should I have an opportunity.
It's scary to think about what life will bring me upon a return to Dallas, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be. When I'm back in Dallas I'll give occasional updates, as I wrote earlier. Stay tuned!
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace
July 13th, 2025
No, your eyes are not deceiving you...I'm back with a new entry after geeze, how many months?? I do apologize. I just wanted to be cautious with everything moving forward. I've actually been writing journals with paper and pen here in Dallas County Jail and was going to wait until this whole ordeal was over with to put them up but that could be more than a year so I wanted those whom have followed this to have something now and not have to wait. Again, I do apologize for the absence.
So, I've been in Dallas County Jail for about five months now and you can find the articles online with what's going on with my legal affairs. I've no desire to rehash it all other than to say it looks like things won't be resolved any time soon. I had hoped after being granted a new trial it would mark the beginning of a new chapter but its more like I'm in yet another legal limbo. I will say it is humbling and has spurred a lot of reflection. Who knows what will happen?
I left death row on February 12th and it was bitter sweet. I miss the guys I was around very much as well as my friends that I've had for decades. It wasn't easy to leave them behind. I miss the guys I was taking classes with and kicking butt at jeopardy. I lived on B pod C section and I was like on a month long winning streak when I left. The guys I played with were probably happy to see me go.
I've adjusted to Dallas but again, I miss the guys so much. I'm being treated fine here. All the officers are professional and while things can be a bit strict for me no one goes out of their way to make things difficult. I've got a tablet that I'm able to use from 9am until 11:30 pm and it's the same securustech.net system as I used on death row so staying in contact with friends hasnt been difficult. Actually Dallas County Jail approves messages much faster than Polunsky unit. I get out of my cell for three days a week for rec. which is more recreation than I was getting at Polunsky as well. I go to a big gym that over looks down town Dallas so that is nice. That's pretty much the only time I leave my cell unless I have court or a legal visit. I also have my own shower in the cell. Now above all else, THAT is a perk because on death row I never when or if I'd shower. I can jump in it whenever I want to. Mostly I spend the day either writing ( working on my second memoir ) listening to pod casts on my tablet, listening to music - I've got some amazing play lists and music to choose from - and watching a movie every now and then in the evenings. The days don't really seem to drag on and time has been going by quickly. It doesn't feel like I've been here five months. My biggest complaint is sometimes at night things get really loud and crazy so there are times I don't get much sleep, but there's not much I can do about that. I guess the plan is to write something at least once a week. Just sharing my life and thoughts here. I won't be getting into legal stuff as you'll just have to read whatever the media writes about it. I'll save my thoughts on all of that for whenever things are done here. Like I said, I've been reflecting on things and don't mind sharing those thoughts. I just can't believe this entire mess started almost 25 years ago.
Well,tonight is razor night - we only get to shave once a week - so I'll be doing that and then getting to bed so I can get up early for rec. tomorrow. I am grateful for those readers that have stuck by for so long and put up with me and my ramblings. Keep checking in as I will be back soon! I promise.
Courage Strength Hope and Faith
Peace
July 20th, 2025
Today really flew by. Actually this whole month has flown by! I can't believe there's less than two weeks left and it'll soon be August. I'm really exhausted now as the evening winds down and if didn't have to stay up past 11:30pm to get a razor and shave I'd probably be in bed right now.
I had a make up rec. day today because on Wednesday they weren't able to get an escort crew to take me to the gym and so I went this morning a little after 9am. What was odd about it though is they took me to another part of the jail and a different gym on what is called the ' west side ' because something was wrong with the gym on my floor, the ' east side'. The east side faces downtown Dallas and you can see the city, sky scrapers and all and its really noisy with sound pollution of the city. The west side is the opposite...a wide panoramic view unobstructed by buildings and absolutely quiet. I could see a large field that meets the Trinity river, a bike trail for cyclists for which I could see people out and about jogging and cycling. There are three bridges that cross the river, one for trains and I watched two trains pass by, but the loveliest part of it all was hearing the birds chirp, and nature doing its thing. It made me feel very calm and at peace. They allowed me to stay out there for two hours which was really nice. After that I came in, had lunch and around 12:30pm I had a visit from a cantor of my old synagogue and that went by much too fast. Still, I appreciated it and it made me feel like I wish I had more visits here, but hey, that's out of my control. I'm grateful.
Earlier this week I heard from Kevin Rambsy, a really remarkable man who runs the ministry, Fight To Forgive and he'll be going to Texas Death Row starting tomorrow for the next four days to do a seminar there for those guys taking classes and in the faith based programs offered there. I was taking those classes before I left and wish I was there for this new seminar he's doing. It sounds exciting. He's going to pass on my love to the guys there and let them know I've not forgotten them which is really nice. I even told him to tell the officers there I said hello I can't wait to hear how it all went.
The guys here in the jail are anxiously awaiting more news about this new service that is going to replace the company that currently does our messaging and tablet content. The rumor is that we will get new tablets in the fall and they will be better and the company is better than securus so we will have to see. Dallas county jail decided to end its contract with securus. That was actually shocking to me because they're based right out of Dallas and they put in the infrastructure for the phone system and tablets so this new company must've offered a better deal. We just don't know who is taking over. Hopefully they have a better content selection.
Here's to hoping this new week is peaceful and all is good.
Courage Strength Hope and Faith
Peace
August 17th, 2024
Well, another weekend is just about over and I can't believe how quickly
time is going by. As much as these past weeks kind of stunk with
Micah's suicide, having a cold, and feeling sorry for myself and
indulging in a bit of self pity (and maybe a smidgen of self loathing
as well...haha ) I'm in a surprisingly happy-ish mood today. It probably
has something to do with the fact that I was able to get some decent
sleep lately as it has been for the most part absolutely silent and
peaceful for a change. Last night got quiet around 1am which is
better than being loud until breakfast!
I slept in until 8am this morning but I would like to get up earlier.
I am shooting for getting up a little before 6am which is really about
the normal time I like to get up. My schedule on Polunsky unit was
usually between 5:30am and 6am if I felt 'sleeping in '. On top of the
good night of sleep I was able to get outside which is really when I'm
most content. I can gaze at the city, take in some sun and fresh air and
meditate. I don't feel like I'm in jail for that little period of time.
I don't know if I ever told you about the lights being on for
24/7...Really, what bothers me about that is that I've lost control on
WHEN I want them on or off. It doesn't really affect my sleep like the
noise does. I just put a sock over my eyes and tie it off and then pull
my blanket over my head. That blacks everything out perfectly. On death
row I had an actual light switch, plus I had a desk lamp. In the
mornings I would have my light on as I did chores or read. In the
afternoons I'd turn the cell light off and use my desk lamp and then
when I'd go to sleep I'd switch the light off at my desk, roll over and
off to dreamland I'd go. Here it is bright all of the time and my eyes
just never get a break. That can't be healthy. Natural light, say
through a window, is fine all day but the extreme light of a fluorescent
bulb has to be hell on the eyes.
So, yeah, things have been a bit quieter in recent days so I've been
able to get some sleep and that makes a big difference. It helps me
handle the days better. There's still going to be that lonely isolating
feeling because I don't really have friends here but I can handle it.
Time going by so fast makes it super easy. I mean, I've been here six
months! That blows my mind.
I'm going to reboot my exercising tomorrow and hopefully stick with it
this time. I'm tired of feeling slow and well, like an almost 48 years
old man. I need to really get back into it heavy and not these light
little pansy workouts I've been doing off and on for the past couple of
years. I want to push myself and maybe lose about 25-30 pounds. That
sounds like a lot but I'm probably about 210 right now and even if I
don't show it, I can feel it. Enough is enough. Tomorrow is the day and
we'll see how I come out after my 90 day goal.
Anyways... not much to report. Gonna kick back on this sunday evening
and read the newspaper and maybe watch something. We shall see.
Courage Strength Hope and Faith
Peace.