May 22nd, 2023
What a busy and
eventful last few days...It started on Friday afternoon when I talked
to an Officer about trying to get moved from the cell I was in for
five months. I was tired of being over there and while I had tried to
inquire about being moved weeks before it didn't seem to get me
anywhere. I had even tried with the field ministers help which has
worked before but didn't get me anywhere either. So, when an Officer
that has always been helpful within the bounds of policy and rules
came by I asked and she was like," Okay, I can talk to the
secretary, where do you wanna go?' I replied, "Anywhere but
here." Second shift came and no one said anything about me being
moved and I chalked it up as another failed attempt. I got settled in
for the evening and sometime close to 8pm another officer told me to
pack my stuff, I was being moved. You couldn't have made me pack any
faster than I did. I was moved to c section and while I can only see
the tv when the day room gate is open, which it isn't always...
especially on recreation days, I didn't care. I was just grateful to
move away from the chaos and noise of the section I lived on, the
occasional bickering over the tv and other irritating factors that
were stressing me out. Now I can see the sunrise again, and the
people over here get along for the most part and it is a hard core
movie section, which is cool on the days I can see them. On Saturday
I went outside and
played basketball, getting my butt kicked by a guy that was just
better and faster than me. I've really got to get my speed and wind
up. It gives him an advantage. I used to do a beast of a 20 minute
hit work out and I need to get back to doing it. When the pandemic
hit, I stopped doing it because we never got out of our cells.
On Sunday the inmate
field ministers Troop and Solley came through with some free world
ministers and Solley introduced me as being Jewish and well...I was
suddenly tag teamed by the ministers and I could tell by the pained
expression on Solley's face he didn't intend for that to happen. It
was uncomfortable and awkward and gave me flash backs to boarding
school being told I should accept Jesus and open my heart or else I
was going to hell...but I was polite, respectful and smiled. These
things used to make me really angry, but they meant no harm. They
were kind...still it was awkward. Solley apologised after and I told
him it was all good. It does highlight my point that TDCJ is trying
to evangelize because they'd never allow Muslim clergy or a Buddhist
monk or other faiths walk around and minister to inmates back here.
Troop said he would try
to come on Monday to show a movie,but I had no idea he'd come rolling
up on our section with The big TV's at 6:50 in the morning! He also
gave me my certificate of completion for my voyager class as well
which I was really happy to get. We watched two movies: Focus with
Will Smith and Trespass with Nicholas Cage. They have an FM
transmitter hooked up to the TVs which we can listen to on our radios
or tablets with stereo sound so it really felt like being at the
movies. It was sooo cool. They were both decent movies. Nicholas Cage
really hammed it up in Trespass, though... it was borderline cheesy.
He took it just far enough. haha After that and with the day room
gate open our section watched the movies, The Accountant and Red
2...again, not the best of movies but decent. And now I'm finally
winding down for the day and preparing my thoughts and prayers for
Wednesday...Each week is torturous waiting on the CCA, but it does
bring me one week closer. I could really use the prayers for another
chance at life. I won't be a disappointment. I won't let it go to
waste.
Course Strength Hope
and Faith
Peace.
May 15th, 2023
Monday afternoon and a
boring one at that. Well, there was a bit of excitement earlier this
morning during showers when a guard and inmate were going at it
verbally. It was a bit ridiculous because it all started when the
guard was talking to someone else, so the guy's neighbor jumped in
the conversation and she said, "Shhh!" and so he said, "you
shut up." She was offended and next thing you know they are
screaming and cussing each other. It got so crazy that a lieutenant
and sergeant had to come down and put out the fire. I just kept
thinking “dear God I've got to get moved off of this section.” I
feel like the old dude on the block complaining about all of the
noise but it gets so crazy on my section at times that I can't even
think. On one hand, I can wait it out if I'm still here in July when
I join some classes that will take place on B pod this time around.
I'm a shoo in for a spot and will be moved to a special section for
that. So, do I just wait it out or hope that the CCA rules before
then...I don't know. I do my best to just deal with it but it does
take a toll mentally. No human can he expected to take noise 24/7
especially for a person that prefers silence and being inside of my
own head.
So, I had an
interesting conversation with another officer over the weekend when
she made a comment to my neighbor about America becoming communist
(its not) and her freedoms being taken away. I could've easily
dismissed it as another wack job and called her an idiot but I was
genuinely intrigued and so I asked why did she feel that way and what
"freedoms" has she lost? She couldn't really say other than
feeling like she was being "forced" to accept so called gay
agendas and things she disagreed with or went against her Christian
beliefs and I asked if it wasn't a bit hypocritical to say she is
losing her rights but is perfectly okay with marginalising a group of
people simply because she doesn't "believe in it". I then
gave her an article about what my Judge did to me and said, you want
to see real religious discrimination and a violation of
constitutional freedoms? My trial judge wanted me to be sentenced to
death for just being Jewish. So, I can point to real violations. You
aren't forced to accept anything you don't want to. That isn't a loss
of your freedom or the signs of communism...but just as you aren't
forced to accept anything you don't believe in, you don't have a
right to hold others down simply because you don't believe in them.
You can still go to church...no one is stopping you. You can still
continue to practice your faith. If this democracy is failing it's
because some people are doing whatever they can do to hold certain
groups of marginalised people down. You know what response I got? I
was called a " lefty"! I guess some people just aren't
willing to see other perspectives...Can't win them all.
As I write this my
section is watching some movie called Rampage. I might catch a little
bit of but I'm feeling a bit too tired to stand at the door for three
hours I certainly hope they have recreation tomorrow... The lock down
is over but there is a staff shortage issue right now as well. It
would be nice to get out of the cell.
Courage Strength Hope
and Faith
Peace.
May 7th, 2023
I'm worried about my
Taffy as she has COVID....Proof that the virus is still very much out
there and people should still be cautious.
We are still on lock
down but they've allowed the Field Ministers to show us a movie which
was cool. On Friday we watched The Dark Knight, one of the Batman
movies which was really good. I had watched it last summer but on the
small screen of a tablet. We wanted to watch Avatar 2 but Troop
forgot to bring the DVD and I thought seeing Dark Knight would be
great on the big screens and the section agreed. On Saturday they
turned on our day room tv and I was able to watch Crazy Rich Asians,
and it was sooo good! I really enjoyed it. I enjoy a good action
movie but I also love dramas, romantic dramas and comedies and that
had a bit of both. The cinematography was gorgeous and the all Asian
cast brilliant. I told my neighbor that it was good to see movies
from other cultures. I highly recommend it.
So, right now I'm
livid...I found out I could look up legislative bills on my law
library app, called Lexis Nexis. I'd been wanting to read the new Law
Of Parties bill making its way through the Texas Legislative session
and from what I understand is before the Texas Senate right now,
having passed the house...It is an insult and joke. It is such a
trash bill that I HOPE NO ONE WILL SUPPORT and I hope DOES NOT
PASS...I know some will be offended by what I say but honestly, those
whom have worked on reforming LOP law should be offended by such a
bill and I will explain why. The bill in its current form does
nothing for those on death row other than calling on a special review
of LOP cases by the clemency board. They can then recommend to our
governor whether we should have a life sentence or our death sentence
remains. If you think Greg Abbott is going to grant clemency to any
one sentenced to death under the LOP you are a fool. He's in the
business of saving people convicted of murdering Black Lives Matter
protestors, not saving poor minorities or two guys that escaped from
prison. It shouldn't pass and I hope it doesn't because it will make
it even harder to get a meaningful bill passed in the next
legislation. because the law makers will feel like they've addressed
the issue. DO NOT support House Bill 1736!!! And that is my
opinion...but coming from someone that was sentenced under the law of
parties...I think it is a joke. I'm truly sorry if that offends
anyone.
It's now evening and
I'm kicked back listening to the prison radio station and winding
down for the day. I'm praying for a good week and maybe good news.
Courage. Strength. Hope
and Faith.
Peace.
May 2nd, 2023
So, today I had a face
to face meeting with Warden Dickerson over the religious
discrimination grievance I filed. My issue was that we had access to
a Christian app, but we're not allowed access to the podcasts which
offers content for a myriad of different faiths.
I was a bit surprised
when two Officers came to my door and said that I had to go to the
Warden's Office. My first thought was, why does he want to talk to
me? I've not done anything wrong! But I went and walked into the
office. The warden told the guards to leave and shut the door. First,
he was very respectful and he told me that he agreed with my
grievance and said if it was up to him we would be allowed the
podcasts...but the decision was from higher up and they said we will
not receive the podcasts or any other media...However, they are
trying to figure out a way through The Tank to broadcast via the
tablet content for other faiths through a coordinator named Roxanne
Moss.
After that we made
small talk and he told me that there would be a faith based program
on B pod and I thanked him for allowing The Tank and the opportunity
to participate in it. It was a nice conversation, and he even wished
me luck with the court. He said his focus is on rehabilitation and
not punishment...which you know, I believe but there are others
butting heads with him that still carry that 'punish them all'
mentality. Its politics, you know? I get it. I respect him all the
more for talking to me in person.
We are on week two of
the lock down and I would have addressed the meagre meals we've been
having but for lunch we had a hot meal and it was loaded down with
meat and rice with a brown gravy, peas, white beans and yams. I ate
every bit of it because we were famished. I hope this continues and
there are no more sack meals...Breakfast today was two pancakes about
the size of a jar lid, a smear of peanut butter and ten raisins. I
hate complaining about food when so many people truly are starving in
the world, but these meals of late had been paltry.
The day has been
peaceful and honestly, I'm not upset at all that they've kept the TVs
off. It has reduced the noise and while I'm distracted by my own
thoughts, at least I don't have to contend with that. I enjoy the
movies. I really do. It has been a treat and blessing, but those TVs
in the day room do add a certain amount of fuel to the daily noise
and chaos.
And that's been the
day. I'll be on edge for the CCA rulings tomorrow, but each week is
one week closer.
Courage. Strength. Hope
and Faith.
Peace.
April 30th, 2023
It's an early Sunday
morning and I'm sitting here listening to the Sunday morning
political shows, even though I'm kind of jaded by it all. We've been
on lock down for a week now and I'm restless. It began last Sunday
and we did kind of have a heads up that it was coming. What we didn't
expect was for things to be was a throwback to the days in which lock
downs felt more like a punishment more than just searching for
contraband. We've had two showers in seven days, the sack meals have
averaged at about, and I think I'm being generous here, two hundred
calories per meal...so a total of 600 calories PER DAY when for the
average male that weighs around 165-185 should be eating 1800
calories to keep healthy. I really don't understand how they get away
with it.
Now, on the shakedowns
they've been moving at a fast clip, and I have to be fair here...we
were dreading the worst because they had the professional shake down
teams plus a bunch of new recruits and that never goes well. We were
hearing complete horror stories from A pod and the other side of the
pod of things being taken and excess property being confiscated. I
wasn't too worried about that too much because I live modestly. I'm
not a pack rat and clutter drives me nuts. I hold things of
sentimental value and my electronics, and what I need to live, and
that is it. I never worry about what I will lose. What makes me
anxious is the total disrespect and disregard for personal property
that the pro shakedown teams and jerk officers have. To come into a
cell and see your pictures and cards and items strewn across your
cell like a category four hurricane has come through is upsetting.
So, when I left my cell, I expected that to happen. They began on
Thursday but didn't finish and then returned on Friday morning taking
us out of our cells and locking us in the shower for over an hour.
When it was over I expected to return to my cell in complete
disarray, but to my surprise and gratitude all of my stuff was neatly
stacked on my bed frame. Nothing was on the floor or thrown all over
the place. I am thankful to the officers that searched my cell. I tip
my hat off to them. Others weren't so fortunate.
They have turned the
phone app off so calls aren't allowed until the lock down is over
with and the section TVs are off. They had been turning them on in
the evening but that stopped on Friday for some reason. Like I said,
this feels like a throw back to the old days.
I cannot believe it's
the end of April! I'm entering into May with some anxiety as I am
still waiting on the CCA to rule and I'm about to hit that five month
mark and what begins the point in which the average amount of time it
takes is between 5-7months. I was already a ball of nerves each
Wednesday and now it is about to be turned up to 11! There have been
some good things happening in the courts and one guy had his death
sentence reversed to life almost two weeks ago so that does give me a
little hope...I'm posting a new quote on the site and I think it fits
perfectly. It is from C.S. Lewis and reads "You can't go back
and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change
the ending". That means a lot to me because my path, and if
given another chance, is to earn forgiveness through action, to
pursue goals and dreams and to live a life of service. I wish I could
undo the many bad decisions I've made, but I can't. What I CAN do is
shape and change the future and the ending of my story. I'll stumble
and I'm not perfect, but I know more than ever who I choose to be.
Who I want to be. So, going into a new month those thoughts are at
the center of my focus.
Courage. Strength. Hope
and Faith.
Peace.
April 19th, 2023
Today is CCA rulings day and while it could still be weeks or months away, each Wednesday I'm pretty anxious. I did a little calculating and research on the average time it takes to release a ruling and it comes to about 5-7 months. My friend, Clinton's was 5 and another guy was 7 months. I'm a little past 4 months now and a few weeks ago my attorneys filed something else so who knows? The wait is crazy, but as long as it leads to me finally off of DR, I'll be okay.
A guy I know back here went back to Dallas for a hearing on a possible execution date. He has been gone a week now and sent word to me on some information on if anything changed or not. He had his tablet in a day which was good to hear but he had to get some ear buds from someone else as commissary was out of them. He said he is enjoying the movies and music, though. Something we don't get here. At least he has a break from this place! I look forward to those days again...really just to have access to good music again. I depend on the prison radio station but I'd love to have my own music like last year. So much more I want to explore! I've seen so many movies of late that the excitement I had last year isn't as strong... Troop just brought us a movie on the big flat screens. Speaking of,we watched some really good ones of late. The Christmas movie Violent Night was sooo funny and crazy. I also enjoyed this cool vampire movie called Priest. This weekend they are supposed to play the new movie Cocaine Bear. That should be a wild one!
I'm having to do a lot of my exercising in my cell these days because of a lack of recreation. I usually do push ups, leg exercise like lunges, squats etc. I will do some Pilate's and core and I have a weight bag filled with water bottles for arm exercises. I just mix it up. I generally do 30 minutes of exercises in the morning and then do things through out the day. If you don't eat a bunch of junk and do 30 minutes a day you'll tone up really fast. It is pretty amazing. I tell guys who don't like to exercise that it takes about 30 days to start seeing results. I thought I would be the last person on earth giving exercise advice because I used to hate it and I've always had issues with weight fluctuation,but really, it is crucial in this environment especially for mental health.
On another note there are sometimes people in this world I live in who are a little 'off'...They are drawn like moths to a flame, and claim they know the individuals or post wild things and we deal with them the best we can. I tell guys it is best to ignore it and move forward because you can't control what a person does or posts. You just have to pray for those people and hope they get the help they need.
So, to report some decent news from here...a mentally ill guy I've really taking a liking to over the years, Syed, was just granted a hearing from the CCA and another guy had his death sentence commuted to life today. We take little victories however we can get them and the news that the state can murder one less person is always a win in my opinion. Wow...the good news keeps coming. I just saw that the Supreme Court has ruled in Rodney Reed's favor in allowing him to pursue additional DNA testing to clear his name. Even though today wasn't my day I'm glad it was for others.
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace.
April 16th, 2023
It's a lazy, boring Sunday afternoon with some movie called Aquamarine on. I'm not even watching it but waiting for the next one to come on. Its been a bad movie weekend and honestly, my mind is too distracted to get into anything. I've been thinking about how bad I want to be finished with this place and at least back in Dallas. A friend of mine from back here was able to return this past week for some hearings next week and it just sent me into over drive with wanting to be done with Death Row. I know I go on and on about hoping the courts do the right thing and I do...and I'll face whatever happens after that as it happens, but I'm anxious and restless and this place isn't getting any better. We can't get regular rec. or even showers. Everything is jacked up and never consistent. At least I know things in Dallas don't change no matter what happens short of a pandemic. I'll get a shower every day. I'll get at least three days of rec. Is it paradise? Far from it. But I'll take consistency and being treated more humanely than this hell hole of chaos and uncertainty.
Anyways, not to sound dour...I got a bit irritated earlier because a new promo was on our tablet telling people who use the tablet that they are now offering modern books and comics on the media app. Something we on death row can't even access. Isn't that crazy? We aren't even allowed to access newer books or a news app because of having a death sentence...Crazy.
On Friday I completed my Voyager Two class after six months of work and lessons. I hope to have my second certificate soon to add to my list of accomplishments since being here. No one can say I wasted time over the past twenty years. And I had nothing to gain other than self improvement. It's hard to say I had some ulterior motive with a death sentence hanging over my head. I take those accomplishments to the great beyond...But seriously, I am happy and proud of myself and I plan on adding to them because I do have a ton of goals if I survive this mess and I'm always looking to learn and grow.
So, yesterday Troop and a church of volunteers delivered some cookies to us. That was a nice treat and I was thankful for that. There are rumors that we will be on lock down Monday or sometime this week.
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace.
April 4th, 2023
It's 1:19pm on a grey
and muggy Tuesday afternoon. We were supposed to have recreation
today, but it was cancelled due to staff shortages. We are also at
two days without showers for the same reasons. Here is how bad it is
right now. Field Minister Troop came by to record an intro from me
for the up coming Alternative Airwaves show I put together for the
Tank on Friday night. I asked him how Field Minister Solley was doing
and he said that they had Solley on psychiatric observation, doing a
guards job watching over an inmate on 11 building to make sure he
doesn't hurt himself. Solley is just an inmate. He may be well versed
in the bible, but he isn't trained to deal with inmates having mental
breakdowns. Crazy.
Last night I watched a
really powerful video from a young woman who forgave her father's
killer. I was sobbing like a baby and it really affected me and spoke
to the power of forgiveness. Her name is Shelby Houston and the video
was called "Forgiving her fathers killer,Shelby's story" I
was floored by it!
So, I mentioned earlier
I was doing a show on Friday night with the prison radio station. It
is the second time I've been invited to curate a five hour program
with music and I recorded a positive message about changing prison
and starting with change within ourselves. I'll be up all night
Friday night but it is well worth it for sure.
That is pretty much the
day today. My section is about to watch Creed and some movie called
Hancock. I wouldn't mind seeing that. I might check it out.
Courage. Strength. Hope
and Faith
Peace
April 3rd, 2023
It's 8 :19am as I write
this. I was up for my work out and a shower but the lights are out
and the guard came through and said they were short handed. So, as of
now there isn't showers so I will probably have to bird bath. I had
hoped today I would have a lot to do..I even skipped the last movie
yesterday to get to bed so I wouldn't be dragging my butt today. Oh
well...We watched Oblivion, a kids' fantasy called Guardians Of Time,
Oblivion and a horror movie called NIX which I recommend. It hit all
of the right horror notes. A little weird and confusing at times, but
genuinely creepy!
Well, I don't think
there will be a show down with the tv today...My neighbor really
wants to watch the final of the college basketball tournament today.
It's someone else's tv day, though and while I don't know
specifically what the guy wants to watch, it won't be movies. It'll
be some kind of sport. We shall see. I was telling myself to not get
attached to movies all of the time, last night. I enjoy them, but it
doesn't do me any good to just want movie movie movie. So I do need
to limit myself. That's one reason I forced myself to go to bed or
else I would have been up at that door after my normal bed time!
It seems they finally
have the phone app sorted, but we are only allowed to call those on
our approved visitation list. And sadly, as of now, no over seas
calls. I do hope they approve it one day. In Dallas it wasn't an
issue and it's possible because it was the same securus network. It
is one of those things here that TDCJ stipulates. I mean, if it can
be verified and approved what should it matter? We can't just call
random numbers anyways because the system requires the person to
accept the call in the first place...It's a safe system.
Well, there might not
be any tv today or at least right now. The guard said someone stole
the batteries out of the remote control. How crazy is that? It had to
be another officer who probably hates that death row can watch tv
now... I wanted to recommend the legal app, Lexis Nexis, to people
who can afford a subscription. It's worth having if you like to look
into cases or appeals to get not just facts, but up to the hour legal
updates on appeals etc. It is relatively easy to navigate by just
putting the person's name into their internal search engine and there
you go. I think it's a handy guide in discerning fact from fiction or
just to see how sometimes the courts can get it wrong. And they do
quite a bit. I use it regularly and have learned a lot about the law
in general from its use. I'm glad it's available on the tablet.
I was listening to fox
news earlier and on one of the morning shows the panel was going on
and on about how Trump is innocent until proven guilty and an
indictment isn't a convention and politics has no place in the
judicial system. I agree with everything they said, but what made me
call BS in their words was they convict people - especially poor
minorities - in the court of public opinion all of the time. They do
it every week. But if you are Trump it is a witch hunt. How quickly
do people forget that Trump called for the EXECUTIONS of five young
black teens who were later proven through DNA to be innocent. So,
forgive me fox news if I think you are all full of #@#.
It's later now and the
tv was never turned on. No showers, no anything. This is one of those
days were it should highlight why we not only should have more
content on the tablet but it is crucial for good mental health.
That's been it for the
day.
Courage. Strength. Hope
and Faith
Peace.
March 27th, 2023
The last week of the
month....March really rocketed by didn't it? I'm doing okay, just
getting my morning started. When I returned from the shower and
turned on my tablet there was a notice saying death row inmates will
have the phone app beginning tomorrow. Our times are from 2pm to 8pm.
You don't have to register with Securus...you have to register your
phone number with texasprisonphone.com and that should be it. Then,
once the number is approved, the inmate will have a notice on their
app with your approved number and we'll be able to call you. The
thing that sucks is that no overseas calls or services like Skype
will be allowed. Even if you are on an inmate's visitation list.
Hopefully in the future that will change.
It was a decent
weekend. We watched a bunch of movies. Avatar 2 was a bit long and
not as good as the first one, but it wasn't bad. There was a really
good remake of Fire Starter, but the best movie of the weekend was
Papillon about a French man framed for murder and sent to France's
worst prison. He escapes several times and is sent to Devils Island
and is one of the only inmates to have made it off alive from there.
It starred Ramy Malik and Charlie Hunham. There were some other
decent movies sprinkled in as well.
I am still feeling
restless.I just keep hoping each week is my last week as a death row
prisoner. Even if it takes a couple weeks or months to get back to
Dallas, at least I can finally be able to breathe and have that title
off of my back. I'll face whatever comes after that as it comes.
I was just thinking
that if the phone app really does come on tomorrow maybe it will cut
down on the recreations they have. It'll be interesting to see what
kind of effect it will have on people coming out of their cells. As
of now there is very little excitement because everyone is tired of
having hopes only to be disappointed again and again. For me the real
disappointment is being excluded from the media app for no good
reason. I just want some good music. Why not allow us to buy content
and give a percentage of it to a victims' fund? It makes no sense to
not utilise that kind of revenue that could help a lot of people. It
would allow us to give back as well. I just can't wrap my head around
it. We can't have entertainment on a tablet but we can watch free tv
all day long? Well,not really free...the bill for that comes out of
profits for commissary. Still, it is that good ol' backwards Texas
logic that still dumbfounds me after all of these years.
Courage. Strength Hope
and faith.
Peace.
March 25th, 2023
I'm starting this early
Saturday morning. They are running recreation and it's a little
crazy, but hopefully when the movies start things will taper down a
little. I don't know for certain we will be doing movies on our
section because the guy who has today likes sports and college
basketball, but I'm hoping he will want to at least watch Avatar 2 as
it's in the line up.
Well, as I wrote that,
that question was answered. It's on the movie channel now and the
third season of a series called The Chosen, about the life of Jesus.
As someone who is Jewish and spent several years in a Baptist
boarding school during my teens, I find this to be a really
interesting series because it is the exact opposite of what was
taught at my school and what a lot of fundamentalists preach about
Jesus and the bible. There is no fire and brimstone, no "muscular
Christianity" no anti this or anti that message. It gets
straight to the heart of what many believe Jesus taught which is
compassion and forgiveness for all...that redemption is deserved for
all who seek it. A pretty universal message for any faith. It is well
produced and the acting is good. It's good television, as the critics
would say. What I find most interesting about it all is how so many
people in this country would embrace these teachings on the surface
and pay it lip service and say that is how we should live, but our
society (U.S. Citizens) does the opposite. We don't easily forgive,
we are rooted in vengeance, and we don't often give room for a person
to be redeemed. Having a death penalty lays truth to that alone. If I
say I'm sorry to a person I have hurt and have done my best to show
in actions, not in just words, it is rejected and I'm told I'm trying
to play the system or looking for an angle. If I say I'm not a danger
to anyone, I'm told I'm just waiting for the right opportunity.
Nothing I say or do is accepted and yet...most of the U.S. would say
they believe in Jesus' teachings. And he taught to forgive! Why, then
is it so hard? I'll never be able to wrap my head around it. I don't
mean that as a dig towards Christianity....it just makes me wonder
why in the U.S. people say they believe one way and act the opposite.
That being said, I've met some wonderful Christians that do follow
Jesus' actual teachings as portrayed in the chosen series. I think
the world would be a better place if it mirrored that particular
portrayal.
I say all of this also
in light of news that when I spoke to the field minister, Troop, he
said that several directors of TDCJ recently admitted in front of
inmates and guards that their years working as prison officials have
shown them that they've been doing things all wrong when it comes to
criminal justice and they now see that there should be a pathway for
inmates to be redeemed and earn their way back into society. It took
them decades to come to that conclusion. Hopefully as more eyes are
open and more people are accepting, many of us can finally atone for
the things we've done.
So...it's later now and
we watched Avatar 2 ...It was way too long. It wasn't a horrible
movie but the plot wasn't tight and had it been an hour shorter it
could have probably been a much better movie, but if I blessed to
live long enough, I'm with them until the series finishes. I think
there are three more movies planned. I'll see what comes on this
evening and might watch another couple of movies. Assuming it stays
on the channel.
Courage. Strength. Hope
And Faith.
Peace.
March 24th, 2023
It's one of those ho
hum days that can't seem to get started. I am still trying to figure
out what I'm going to do and I'm starting this after lunch. It is my
neighbor's tv day and he has it on some talk show, but I'm not
watching it. I don't know if they plan on watching movies today or
not because my neighbor isn't a big fan so it does give me time to
take care of some things for the weekend in case there are good
movies.
We watched all three of
the The John Wick movies and they were a lot of fun yesterday but
last night's movie, some thing called 'The Visitor' wasn't good at
all. I bailed on that about ten minutes in. Someone said commissary
is raising the price of coffee to $4.50! That's crazy. A two dollar
increase! It better be Starbucks at that price because the stuff they
sell to us is generic dollar store junk and I don't see inflation
jumping it up that high. It feels like price gouging! I just looked
at the commissary list on the tablet and it has gone up! Some guys
here can't afford that! I mean, you typically need two bags to get
from one store to the next, then guys like to buy a pint of ice cream
to treat themselves which is 3.25 and then necessities like hygiene
and writing supplies...if your family sends you a little each month,
that's wiped out on those items alone. It feels like gouging... On
top of that, a lot of the items are made by inmates....clothing,
food, hygiene...I mean, 60¢ for a card made out of free labor? The
material itself is probably less than 20¢ per card.
We just had fried fish
for lunch and as I write this the clean up crew has come through. It
feels like a strange day and I am a little bit restless. Well, it's
later now and my neighbor pretty much handed his tv day over to me
and initially I was going to put it on X men for the guys to watch
but it turned out to be King Kong...so, they are watching that until
the movie channel comes on. I think we'll get it changed when it's
close to six.
Field minister Troop
just dropped by and we talked for a bit. He had been sent to another
unit for training and he said it was an interesting time. He dropped
off a movie list and everyone is excited because Avatar 2 is coming
on. And that's the day pretty much...more this weekend!
Courage. Strength Hope
and Faith.
Peace.
March 20th, 2023
It's a lovely spring day this Monday of a new week. I've been spending the day keeping busy until we can hopefully watch the movie Greenland and some Star Wars. It is 62 cell's day with the tv, as our section has a drawing of cells for each day of the week that way it gives everyone a chance to watch what they want to watch. We are the only section that has this kind of system and there were some bumps early on, but a month in and we've worked out the kinks. We have one guy who lives here that just can't get along with anyone and unplugs the tv when he is at rec. but outside of him, things are working.
Well, my day is Wednesday and at first I was a bit exhausted from watching movies all weekend long. I spent over a total of 24 hours on my feet watching movies we've never seen before. Then I found out Greenland was on today so I'm trying to wheel and deal to exchange my day for movies today. I think the guy will do it. I was thrilled and so happy my good friend Big Foot received a stay last week. That execution would have hit me hard, had it gone through. Any execution sucks, but I have only ever cried over few people and I know I would have been a wreck that day.
So, yeah, I went into the weekend with some high spirits. The weekend movies were really good. We watched parts one, two and three of the Jason Bourne movies, an excellent drama called Blue Bayou which I highly recommend, a Denzel Washington marathon and the sci fi epic Elysium. I also did a movie date with my Taffy and the movie Shazam. All worth the tired body in the end!
Well, as of now, I've talked the guy into the movie Greenland, but he's not a big fan of Star Wars and isn't feeling a three movie marathon but he hasn't said no. My feelings won't be hurt if he does. It comes on all of the time. I'm good with Greenland. I was just listening to fox news and they are sooo upset that the Manhattan DA might charge Donald Trump...they are such hypocrites because they get all up in arms if the DA doesn't go after someone who steals a candy bar and throw them in jail, but they don't want 'their guy' to be prosecuted when the clown is a career criminal? It is a witch hunt when he has skirted accountability for decades just because he has money? These people are insane.
The morning started bright and clear but now it's grey...looks like it might rain. That has pretty much been all that is going on around here.
Courage. Strength. Hope and Faith.
Peace.
March 14th, 2023
It's the afternoon and
my section is watching Detective Pickachu as we wait for Troop to
show us the movie Shazam on the big screens. I went to rec first
thing in the morning and I am energised and have done some exercises
throughout the day. But now I am giving my body a little rest because
I've been pushing it really hard with exercises. Even when my ankle
was sore, I still did a lot of upper body etc. I even had a weird
dream that I fit back into a pair of jeans from my teenage years!
Haha. I just would like to be in tip top shape with a return to
Dallas.
I have had some really
strange dreams since being able to watch movies. Yesterday I had a
nice legal visit but I learned I've been defrauded and someone stole
from me. Not a good feeling and it made me understand more the hurt I
had caused from my own actions in the past. I told my investigator I
guess in a way it was Karma and maybe it was deserved.
Over the weekend, the
Sunday movie line up wasn't that good, and being so tired throughout
the day made standing at the door unbearable but I did watch two good
movies one with Peter Dinklage called Rememory. That guy is an
amazing actor. I've seen him in smaller roles but in this movie he
carried it, and wow! There was a real depth of emotion. Another was a
Holocaust movie called The Survivor. He was in Auschwitz
concentration camp and forced to box other Jews to the death to
entertain Nazis. If he lost, he'd be killed and so he was essentially
forced to kill his fellow prisoners. He survives and becomes a boxer
in the U.S. and is searching for his long lost love from before the
war...and he goes through PTSD and survivors guilt. In the end he
finds her as she is dying of cancer and he can finally make peace and
let go. I was crying like a baby! It ends on a beach with his
American wife and he tells a classic Jewish joke about a mother and
her son playing on the beach. A huge wave comes and sweeps her son
back into the ocean and she cries out to G-d, Why? Why did you take
my only son from me!? Another wave comes crashing in and spits her
son back out to her and she hugs him tightly, looks to the heavens
and says, “He had a hat!” The joke being that for Jews we are
always praying to be saved and when we are, we find a reason to
complain about it. In that final scene you realise the survivor has
let go of his guilt and is grateful for being alive. It made me think
and be grateful for the moments I've had and the chance of a second
life should I also survive. Here I am complaining about not having a
media app or other things, but I am alive! The most important thing
of all! What do I choose to do with that life? Well...I want to be
good and to be in service to others. I also hope for forgiveness and
to show in actions, not words. I would hope for redemption.
So, I can't believe
we're already close to half way through the month. Time is flying by!
There's an obvious eagerness and anxiousness as we wait on the
ruling, though. But we are so close to being there! Even if it takes
another three months. We are almost there and I feel it. I was
reading some rulings on nexis lexis and it gave me some comfort that
in almost every ruling that the state concedes, the CCA grants the
new trial. As well as the cases of proving actual bias, ACTUAL being
the key phrase. We shall see what tomorrow brings, but as my
investigator told me, he believes we are in a good place and the
possibility of a new trial is a very real thing.
Courage. Strength. Hope
and Faith.
Peace.
March 11th, 2023
It's Saturday, close to
noon, and after a raucous morning of chaos and noise, the place has
gone quiet to watch a Clint Eastwood western called A Fist Full Of
Dollars. I'm not big on older western movies, but I'm glad that
people can enjoy it. I'm grateful for the silence as well!
The death row warden
came around today and it was a surprise to see him on a Saturday. He
was asked when we would get the phone app and he said it could be a
month or longer. He also said that Death Row would only be allowed to
call those people on our visitation list. Someone asked if we would
get other apps and he said no. Then someone pointed out that it made
no sense that we could sit around and watch tv all day long but could
not purchase our own content via the media app and he agreed but said
the decisions come from higher up. That is really all we learned in
terms of what is going on.
As I write this I'm
waiting for recreation but as the day carries on I feel less inclined
to go. I'm cooking right now and there are some movies I'd like to
catch and I have a movie date with my Taffy and don't want to miss
that. If I can go next round, I might go, but after? As much as I
dislike being trapped in the cell, I'm just not feeling it today.
It's later now...I
didn't go to rec. instead opting for the shower. Well, I was stuck in
there for an hour because the guards decided to 'take a break'
because their feet were tired. The only job on the planet that
doesn't fire you for not doing your job... I'm worn out now and after
having watched Wonder Woman, a great movie I should add. I'm just
waiting for a horror movie and then I'm calling it a night. Tomorrow
is my tv day and there is a so so line up of some movies I've seen
and haven't seen so it should be a decent day. I have to get up early
to make sure the station gets put on and then after that it is cruise
control.
Courage. Strength. Hope
and Faith.
Peace.
March 10th, 2023
Friday...It's grey and
humid today. We're not having recreation even though there are 4
officers working today on the pod. I stayed up last night until 10pm
to watch the movie The Happening. It started off strong but fell
apart after the second act, got a bit ridiculous, and the movie
didn't really get anywhere. The twist was revealed too early in the
movie. It would've worked better to have people guessing what was
causing humans to kill themselves...the other thing is once the
government or people knew it was nature and plants striking back by
releasing toxins in the air, why weren't people wearing gas masks or
oxygen tanks? Dumb...
We'll see if we do
movies tonight or not. I know we will all day Saturday and Sunday.
I've got to spend the day busy so I don't fall behind. I have Voyager
class at three and I'm sure there will be book work and homework.
Courage. Strength. Hope
and Faith
Peace.
March 9th, 2023
As I write this it's
early Thursday morning and I'm killing time as I'm scheduled for 4th
round of recreation outside, and with this crew and the scheduled
execution, it is uncertain that I'll make it. I'll just say that I do
believe Arthur Brown is innocent, and even one of my attorneys who
worked on his appeals believed that and felt horrible he couldn't do
more. It is really sad to think about.
I watched two movies
Wednesday in the day time but it didn't put me too far behind in
anything. We watched Captain Marvel which was better than I expected,
as well as Star Wars Rogue One which I had seen last summer in
Dallas. After that I finished up for the day and chilled in the
evening. The guys around me watched The Masked Singer. I took a
glimpse at it and that show is bonkers! People singing with huge
costumes! Then, and this had me laughing so hard, they watched Farmer
Wants A Wife! All of these pretty city women vying for the affection
of a dude in a cowboy hat and boots! Geeze, the stuff on tv these
days. I swear, if I had a time machine I'd go back to where it all
started and prevent MTV's The Real World from ever happening! Imagine
a world where the most superficial shows on earth never existed!
There'd be no Kardashian's or Octomom.. Pure world harmony!
Well, I was bumped up
and went outside on 2nd round. We played 40 games of basketball and
my ankle felt good. I started out a bit slow and careful but as I
played had more confidence, and my foot was okay. By the end of the
time we tied up 20-20. It was fun.
Spring is definitely
here! Today is 85 degrees for a high! That is May like
temperatures... I think it is going to be one hot summer here. I hope
to be in Dallas by then because they keep the air blasting. It does
get hot outside in the gym though. I don't mind that for an hour or
two but here the air is always wonky.
It's later now...they
killed Arthur. You know, they said in 30 years he showed no remorse,
but for those 30 years he really was innocent, and why would he be
expected to show remorse for something he didn't do? Personally
knowing him for 20 years, I know he felt bad for all involved but he
has always said he wasn't there.
I'll finish this
tomorrow.
Courage. Strength. Hope
and Faith
Peace
March 6th, 2023
I'm writing this in
between commercial breaks as my section watches the movie Gemini Man
with Will Smith. It's funny because the action packed movies get
absolute silence in this place. So, today has been one of those weird
days in which it was frustrating and incredibly boring, but also
moved by incredibly fast. I intended to get up at 6am and overslept
until almost seven, got the day moving with exercises and a bird
bath, because I thought they weren't going to do showers, but they
did do them and so I went even though I had a bird bath. I then got
caught up on writing and next thing I knew most of the day was gone
and because I worked hard enough, I was ahead of things and here I am
in between watching a movie.
Yesterday was a good
movie day, the best movies being a romantic movie called Valentines
Day and another crime drama called Dig as well as a historical movie
called Harriet which brought me to tears. Tomorrow I'm hoping they
have recreation so I can have a good cardio work out and then later
that morning I hope to have a visit. Of course, it'll be a sad week
with two scheduled executions this week. Texas is in full tilt
murdering people. Hey, citizens, don't kill...it's bad and against
the bible...if you do, we'll kill you. Hell, we'll kill you even if
you didn't kill anyone...Completely rational folks, here...Remember
the Alamo! This place is insane. Still have to get through the rest
of the week.
Courage. Strength. Hope
and Faith.
Peace
March 5th, 2023
(Dear reader, forgive
the scattered brain nature of this. I've been writing it in between
movies through out the day!) It is a bright blue and clear Sunday
morning. As I write this, we are waiting for the guard to turn on the
tv for movies today.
I'm doing okay. I went
outside on Thursday and played 35 games of basket ball...recovery
time body wise for a 45 year old isn't like it used to be but I can
still give these youngsters a run for their money! Even if I twisted
my ankle. Nothing serious, just rolled on it when I was pivoting to
shoot a basket.
We have seemingly been
screwed over again...Now, I preface this by saying it is coming from
a dude who went to visit Thursday and their visitor read an FB page
and apparently as of now, and the reason they removed the phone app
on that same day, is that Death Row was not supposed to receive the
phone app. Only Ad Seg. Our plan has yet to be finalised which is
ridiculous. To add insult to injury, it is a spit in our face because
the majority of men in Ad Seg are there for behaviour or dangerous
gang activity and yet they are deemed suitable for phone calls and
not death row? You have men with capital life sentences in Ad Seg. It
makes no sense! So...for now our phone app is cancelled. They keep us
on this yo yo telling us one thing today and another thing the next
and it really is messed up. How hard is it to just give us a
definitive yes or no and leave it be?
My ankle is still a bit
tender but thank goodness it wasn't anything too bad. When I stand on
it and move around it loosens up so I am good as our section does
movies this weekend. I was okay when I watched the Thriller Thursday
night called Becket about this couple that vacations in Greece and
get into a car crash. The girlfriend dies and the corrupt Greek
police believes Becket had seen something he shouldn't have and the
rest of the movie they try to kill him. It was decent. I have been
standing like a flamingo to keep the pressure off of my bad ankle.
Thank goodness I had the movie list and made copies so everyone knows
what is coming on this weekend!
I had a visit on
Saturday night and it was picture night so I'm hoping that the
picture came out good. I got the thumbs up from the guard that took
it so we shall see! It's been forever since I've had a picture, other
than a Dallas mug shot and being in court! Haha. Before visit I made
it outside by myself yesterday afternoon and it was perfection. It
was nice to be alone with my thoughts and enjoy the day. After that I
went to the visitation building and it was packed. They raised the
prices on the food out there which is ridiculous now and really
unfair to lower income families who have to travel and pay gas etc.
But the pictures are free now and they send them to an email address
the visitor provides. They do everything so strange and complicated
these days, though.
It's a new week and
hopefully it brings good news! I keep praying and preparing myself
for a return to Dallas. We are now at the 90 day mark so anything
could happen moving forward. Although I'm prepared for the long haul.
I think.
The movies have been
decent today. Our section has enjoyed it. Here's looking forward to a
good week!
Courage. Strength. Hope
and Faith.
Peace.